I just want to scream at the ocean.
The biggest change within me is that when I feel, I really feel. A lot. A lot and right away. I can’t push things down below the surface anymore. I don’t want to. No more smiling to assure others, no more pretending, no more saying “I’m fine” when I’m not. I’ve been so happy and at peace every day since I came home a week ago I almost forgot that feeling sadness is a part of being me, too. It’s all there. Emotions come and go and the natural thing is to act them out but we live in a world where this is not encouraged. We’re taught to “keep it together”, to put on a happy face, to soldier on. Well… Fuck that bullshit!
I did a Dynamic meditation this morning. Spent ten minutes beating the shit out of my yoga bolster. It felt amazing. And then I danced. When I came out my phone was waiting with some horrible event that has happened (not mine) and then more difficult news to digest (not mine) and I felt so overcome with sudden sadness I had to drop down on the floor and cry until there was nothing left to cry about. Because… That’s how it works. Tears arrive. And then they stop. Anger arrives. And then it leaves. Letting these things surface so they can RELEASE is the key to happiness. I swear – this is true.
So I finish crying, splash my face with cold water, put on a colorful dress and five minutes later I’m in a meeting, laughing. For real.