Look, Little Moon. You’ve Been Here Once Before. in Love, Pregnancy

10 months ago I posted a photo from this exact spot.

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I was sitting in the tree you see in the background, holding my hands to my belly, gazing out at the ocean. June 22. It was the day we found out I was pregnant and Lea Luna was just a tiny little poppyseed forming inside of me. We’d had a very special afternoon on the beach a few weeks earlier and that same evening driving home Dennis turned to me and said “I think we just got pregnant”. I thought he was insane. It just wasn’t possible! Two weeks later I woke up in the middle of the night, my boobs aching. Was it… Possible?

The next day we bought a pregnancy test. Dennis was so excited. I was terrified. The test came out with the faintest blue little line you’ve ever seen. Three more tests showed one positive, one negative and one inconclusive. We decided to go to the clinic for a blood test so we would know for sure. It came back positive – positive! We were pregnant! The timing was all wrong and we had just started construction and were in the middle of getting Island Yoga off the ground and didn’t have any money and it wasn’t what we had planned but somehow, we just couldn’t stop smiling. Pregnant. A little poppyseed. A baby.

We went for a walk and came across this tree. I sat down and put my hands to my belly for the first time since we got the news. I was equally scared and excited. What if I’m not ready? I turned my face to the sun. Even though we’d only just found out and I was just barely pregnant, I swear; I felt something beneath my fingertips. A presence. A warmth. The whisper of flutters to come. I knew then and there: it’s a girl. It’s a girl and the timing is right and nothing has ever been more meant to be than this. It’s a girl. It’s a girl… And she is going to change the course of the whole universe.

Yesterday we went for a walk and found ourselves back at that same tree but this time, pushing a stroller. I whispered to her; look, Little Moon. You’ve been here once before. In her sleep she turned toward me, stretched out her arm and smiled.

I think she’s been here all along.