Episode 66 – A Wedding Anniversary and Making Things Work with Dennis Schoneveld
Listen to this episode here!
In this episode, Rachel is joined by her husband Dennis on their 4th wedding anniversary – after they both almost forgot it. They begin by diving into the intense Spring they had; travelling from country to country in Europe with a toddler and a dog while working towards a major business launch. Dennis touches on what travelling means to him after growing up on a tiny island. He also shares what it was like to be on his own with the baby, and his brave decision to travel across the Atlantic with her alone.
Getting into questions from listeners, Rachel and Dennis discuss their favorite and least favorite things about one another, what Dennis thinks his life would be like if he never met Rachel, his previous girlfriends (even one that Rachel didn’t know about), and when they plan to have more kids.
As a married couple that are raising a baby and running a business together, Dennis and Rachel conclude by sharing how they compromise to make things work, routines that keep them together, and what’s important at the end of the day – like celebrating their anniversary.
[001:12] Rachel: Hi and welcome to another episode of From The Heart: Conversations with Yoga Girl. Today I have none other than my beautiful, super handsome, epic, awesome, superhuman man, Dennis!
Rachel: On the show. (laugh)
Dennis: Hello. (laugh)
Rachel: (laugh) I don’t know how to introduce you anymore. You’ve been on the show so many times, I’m like what am I going to say? You’re my husband, you’re my baby daddy, you’re my business partner, you’re my best friend. What else?
Dennis: That’s about it, I guess.
Rachel: Do you have a specific way you like to introduce yourself these days?
Dennis: I usually … No … Usually when I introduce myself it’s with a handshake, but it’s kind of hard to do that over the podcast.
Rachel: It’s not just a handshake, it’s an awkward handshake.
Dennis: With a knot. We call it the Swedish knot.
[002:00] Rachel: Hey! Uh, happy wedding anniversary!
Dennis: Happy anniversary.
Rachel: Isn’t it funny that we are recording this today?
Dennis: Uh, yeah.
Rachel: Isn’t it also funny that we forgot our own wedding anniversary?
Dennis: No, we remembered yesterday.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s forgetting. (laugh)
Rachel: Normally, I don’t know normally, but we have been really good at celebrating … This is like the one thing that we celebrate well, I feel.
Rachel: And birthdays, I guess.
Dennis: Yeah. Didn’t we forget last year too?
Rachel: Umm…. I can’t remember. (laugh)
Dennis: Oh no, we forgot our-
Rachel: We forgot our engagement-versary, which you don’t want to celebrate anyway.
Dennis: No, we don’t celebrate that, but-
Rachel: We DO celebrate that!
Dennis: … We forgot … When we actually started going out, the April 1st.
Rachel: Oh yeah, April 1st. The Fool’s Day is our dating day. That’s an important day.
Dennis: Yeah, but we forgot last year because-
Rachel: We forgot it because the baby was like two weeks old.
Rachel: But I was just … I was on my phone doing something and then your mom tagged me in a photo, like, “Happy Anniversary, Dennis and Rachel!” And it was yesterday, and I was like, “What the fuck?” And I pull out my phone, I’m like, “Is it today?!” It was like 5 p.m. or something, I’m like, wait I forgot our own anniversary? But thank god it was a day early, because it’s today. But I feel like we’ve been really good at giving each other gifts and making a big deal out of this day and then now, it’s just, it has not happened.
Dennis: Yeah. It’s the fourth one, it’s not that important. It’s the next one is the big one.
Rachel: They’re all big! Don’t you think they all should be big?
Dennis: Well, like, the first and the fifth and then the tenth, those are like kind of milestones. I feel those you should celebrate more.
Rachel: But you’re not such a celebrating type of person.
Rachel: I’m more the celebrator of things.
Rachel: Okay. But we’ve decided, it has been a very intense spring for us in many different ways. We had three months traveling around Europe, fighting a lot (laugh).
[004:00] Rachel: We had like a hundred weddings and bachelor/bachelorette parties and things to do.
Dennis: Two weddings, I think. Correct?
Rachel: No, three.
Dennis: Can you count them?
Rachel: Yes. It was the Italy wedding, it was Patrick and Olivia’s wedding in France, it was Stephanie and Adian’s wedding in Stockholm that I was puking my guts out, so we only made one day.
Dennis: Oh yeah. Three, okay.
Rachel: And then we missed two weddings because it was just too much.
Dennis: Yeah, that I know.
Rachel: Anyway, it’s been like a year … It is a year of weddings. But it’s been very intense. And then we have been working our asses off, day and night, working on this big new launch that’s coming up. And we have a crazy toddler. (laugh) Running around. It’s been a very intense spring.
Rachel: How has the spring been for you?
Dennis: I thought it was pretty good.
Rachel: Yeah I know. I’m seguing into that.
Dennis: Yeah. It was fun.
Rachel: Traveling for you, tell us about it, because I’ve been talking about this on the past podcasts, how it’s been kind of hard for me, but it was different for you, and that’s been, like, a topic in our relationship right now.
Dennis: Yeah, after being a year at home.
Rachel: It wasn’t a year.
Dennis: Sorry, eleven months. It was kind of nice to be off the island again and see new stuff and do new stuff. And be on vacation. Or, I don’t know, just see new places. We’ve been to a lot of new places this trip that, uh, it was kind of cool. It was a lot of different cultures in a little time, and I thought it was amazing.
Rachel: What was your favorite destination, or favorite thing we did?
Dennis: That … I wish you had asked me before this.
Rachel: Before so you could prepare, oh my god. (laugh)
Dennis: So I could have at least think about it. I don’t know.
Rachel: Think about it right now!
Dennis: Yeah, I don’t know. I, they were all so fun in different ways.
[006:00] Rachel: Like, now that I think about it, because for me, overall, this trip was really stressful, but when I think about specific destinations, like we were in Barcelona, we had a really beautiful moment on a square outside a church where the baby was chasing bubbles. We went for ice cream. We’ve done some cool stuff, and I want to … I feel like you’re really good at just remembering the good stuff, and I’m really good at, like, keeping this vibe of, “Ugh, that was so hard.”
Dennis: I don’t know, the good thing about me is I always remember the bad stuff, but the bad thing about me is I also forget the good stuff.
Rachel: Yeah, but you also have a really crap memory overall, I think. (laugh)
Dennis: No, I … like-
Rachel: But Spain was really …
Dennis: Spain was really nice because we got to see her grandfather, your father. We stayed in a very beautiful luxury hotel as well, and that was an eye-opener.
Rachel: Random. An eye-opener. That was probably the nicest place we’ve ever been to.
Dennis: Yeah, it was like kind of seeing how-
Rachel: Shout out to our friend Holly who hooked us up there, because-
Dennis: But I mean, like, it’s kind of like seeing how the 1% live, there. And it’s like royalty-famous people going there.
Rachel: That hotel, it was owned by a prince. Prince of something, I don’t know.
Dennis: I know.
Rachel: We had, we did like, because we didn’t plan, I guess. We’re really good at just going somewhere not planning. I used to be really good at that, but now, since having the baby, it’s not as easy for me to be easy-going, because I like the boxed in kind of knowing where we are, knowing where the baby sleeps, knowing what she’s eating.
Dennis: The routine, you want her to nap.
Dennis: Exactly at 9:02.
Rachel: Yes, I love that. I love that shit so much.
Dennis: Yeah, I don’t care too much for that.
Rachel: (laugh) I know.
[008:00] Dennis: That was fun. And then from Spain we actually … there was a strike in France, so the air space in France, we couldn’t fly to France, so we decided to fly to Barcelona. That was kind of a little stressful to get to Barcelona because that flight almost got canceled too. And then we got there and we stayed in a very beautiful hotel as well. I think we were pretty lucky with all the hotels, to be honest, where we stayed.
Rachel: Yeah, anyone listening, we travel by, okay, not the super fancy place in Spain, that was not … That was-
Dennis: That’s other level.
Rachel: Other level … But Hotel Tonight is an app we use a lot, like if you’re booking something last minute, which is kind of the way we’re traveling now, you can find super deals like the night of when you’re going somewhere. So we found this really, it was more like an apartment place. I mean, it was cool.
Dennis: Yeah, it was like an apartment/hotel, but it was in the centre, and we were traveling with so many people and we had to choose, getting two small crappy rooms, or one big room, and we all stay in that big room.
Rachel: But Barcelona, I know you have a thing for cities, you love to be in the city.
Rachel: Because you’re an island boy.
Dennis: Yeah. No, we saw a lot that day. You had a good time in Barcelona.
Rachel: No! I had a good time in a lot of places, but all of this, you know-
Dennis: And they had a lot of vegan food there.
Rachel: They did have great vegan food there. I know, I know. But it was, I’m not going to say that this was the hardest thing that I ever did, but I definitely had this sort of undercurrent of feeling stressed throughout everything we did. And you definitely didn’t. So I’m really grateful for that, because I don’t think we would have … And sometimes I was annoyed with you because I was like, “Can you just get on my train?” Like where this is stressful and we have so many things to do and it’s really hard for the baby. But you never came into my vibration. Like, I wanted us to suffer together when we had hard moments. (laugh)
Dennis: Well we were going through the suffering together.
Rachel: No! Because you were, like, on this high, like we’re in this five square foot apartment where the baby is in the same room and she’s crying and climbing the walls, and it’s really intense-
Dennis: And that we did together! We suf- … That we did together.
Rachel: No, you were like, loving it. You’re like, “I can go outside and there’s parks and cafes and everything is magical.” And I was just like, “Oh my god, can you hate this with me?”
[010:00] Dennis: But those are two different things. Because the baby suffering she did together. If she was crying I was there, and it wasn’t like I was outside while she was crying inside.
Rachel: No, we did that together, but I think the challenge that we’ve had has been that we’ve been kind of on two different tracks the past three months.
Rachel: And then inevitably, maybe it is because, I don’t know. We got a lot of questions for this podcast, it’s actually unbelievable, whenever I say, “Okay, Dennis is coming on the show,” like, we get thousands of questions in a matter of minutes. People are so stoked to have you on the show and to listen to what you have to say, and I love that. And one of the first things people were really asking was, “What was it like to be alone with the baby?” Because all of this stuff, you know, inevitably led to me diving into Project Alone Time. So I left and I spent a whole week in Aruba alone, or six days alone, and you stayed with the baby in Sweden, alone, and then you flew across the Atlantic alone with her. And I think we had, I don’t know, 100 questions from people wondering, like, what was it like, one, to be alone with the baby. And two, to do this 20-hour journey across the world alone with her?
Dennis: It was fine. We had so much fun. She was such a champ. I’m just talking about being alone in Sweden now.
Rachel: Yeah, okay, let’s separate the flight, yeah. (laugh)
Dennis: When we had … because we were fighting because you didn’t want us to split up at all. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to go early super bad, but I didn’t want my vacation taken away from me, because I didn’t know when we were going to go back. The last time we went back to Aruba, I had to wait 11 months. I’m like-
Rachel: It was six and a half months, mind you. Mind you. We were in Sweden in September.
Dennis: August to May.
Rachel: Excuse me? September through April.
Dennis: August to May.
Rachel: Count that. Half September. (laugh)
Rachel: It’s not potato, it’s not a year. But yeah, moving on.
[012:00] Dennis: Anyway. So I didn’t want to go back and think about, like, okay, I’m going to be stuck again on this island because you were hating traveling so much, and for sure you’re never going to travel again.
Rachel: But do you feel stuck here?
Dennis: No … As soon as I got back I was so happy to be back. But I need to have an exit off the island. I need to know when the next time is that we’re going to leave.
Rachel: (laugh) You have island fever?
Rachel: But you’re born here!
Dennis: That’s why!
Dennis: I guess after 20, 30 years, you kind of get the fever.
Dennis: No, but being alone with her was so nice. We had such a good time. She didn’t have … she wasn’t cranky even once.
Rachel: Only once when we spoke.
Dennis: She got cranky once because she was tired and hungry and we were having lunch, and then she saw you, and then she kept calling, like, “Mama, mama, mama, mama.” And then we had to hang up, and then Mama was gone, and then she found a butterfly, and that was it.
Rachel: (laugh) And I sat here, like, crying on the couch. (laugh) Yeah, it was harder for me.
Dennis: But it did backfire for me though.
Dennis: Being alone. Because for me in my head, I was like, “Okay, next door we have your mom, she’s going to help all out. We have your sister, she’s going to help all out.” But without knowing your mom decided to take a trip for that whole week. So I was literally alone with no help for the whole extra week that I was there. Which wasn’t a problem, it’s just some of the activities I wanted to do on my own I couldn’t do.
Rachel: Like what?
Dennis: Like biking, or going out at night, or, like, just being …
Rachel: Are you saying that while you were convincing me completely to go alone, everything’s going to be fine, you’re planning nights out and days biking? (laugh)
Dennis: No! Not like that. But I mean, if something casually comes up, like I think our friend Frey wanted to go have an afternoon drink somewhere. And I thought, okay, if grandma was there, that would have been a no brainer. That could have been so easy. But that wasn’t a problem at all.
Rachel: No, I think you did amazing. I heard no complaints from you, of any kinda, at all.
[014:00] Dennis: Yeah.
Rachel: I mean really. And it seemed like everything was going, I mean, I knew things were going to be super smooth with her. That’s never my concern. My concern is not that she’s not going to be okay with you. It’s more that it’s really hard for me to leave her. And I feel lesser than, like, guilty and all of that.
Rachel: But it was sort of like as soon as I left, it was almost like this weight off my shoulders, like, okay, I need to decompress and land and figure out what it’s like for me to be on my own. Because even before baby, I mean, I was never alone then. Never alone now. And it was a forking marvelous, marvelous six days. It really was. I was able to not think about you guys. If I was like thinking about you, or if I was looking at your Instagram story and videos of her, then I would get really down, so I just chose to not do that at all and focus on being here, now with me. And I was, yeah, anyone who heard last week’s podcast, it was absolutely super necessary.
Rachel: And then I spoke to my acupuncturist yesterday, and she said, “Oh! Every mother I ever treat, I tell them they must take one week every year and go be alone, without the husband and without the babies. It’s crucial for your self-care.”
Rachel: And I was like, “What, is this a thing and no one told me?!” I don’t know, people have been writing me that they also, like, “Oh I’ll take a weekend just by myself, without a plan, just to really figure out what it’s like to be alone.”
Dennis: My dad does it twice a year.
Rachel: Okay, but he’s a man. It’s different for men.
Dennis: Why is it different for men? That’s such a sexist thing to say!
Rachel: It is! It is a sexist thing to say, but it’s also the reality of what things have been, at least in our society, that mothers are expected to have more of the responsibility.
Dennis: Not in our relationship!
Rachel: Not in our relationship, I know. But I mean, like, my dad was never home. You think anybody was like, “Oh, why aren’t you home with the children?” No one ever mentioned that to him. He was out building his business. So I think it’s definitely changing now.
Dennis: That’s different though. We’re talking about … because you travel alone for work too, and we don’t count that as alone time.
[016:00] Rachel: Of course not, because it’s work.
Dennis: Yeah. So what you just said about your dad, it also, it was for work.
Rachel: No. It was not only for work, no. No, but I think most of our … that’s the old school kind of traditional families. Like, Dad who does his thing and Mom stays home with the baby. It’s not, of course, accurate everywhere, and it shouldn’t be accurate everywhere. But a lot of people are asking that, one of the questions that came was, “What was it like traveling with a baby?” Someone wrote, so, from the outside it looked like a huge accomplishment for Dennis as a father to be alone. The question was, “Do you feel like it is an accomplishment? Or like it should just be a totally normal thing, like, it’s not even … No one should even say, like, ‘Good job,’ because it should just be a natural thing?”
Dennis: I didn’t … It didn’t feel like an accomplishment at all. It felt like we were just going from one place to another place. I don’t want to, like, talk about other people’s kids or anything like that, but I think traveling with a kid is an accomplishment.
Rachel: Yeah, for any-
Dennis: Or a dog. Like, we’ve been traveling with a dog too for like six years. And that’s also like an accomplishment, just to know that you got somewhere safe. But it’s just literally going … I see it almost the same as getting into a car and going from A to B.
Rachel: Yeah, so what was the actual flight like? Because I have … she’s been on like, what is it now, 27 flights or something crazy like that?
Dennis: I don’t know.
Rachel: Yeah, I counted it before I flew home.
Dennis: She’s not allowed to have her own, how do you say, her miles card yet? Until she’s two? So we don’t know.
Rachel: No, but she has literally never had a good flight, with me. We have 25+ flights, each flight has been sort of worse than the next. Even short flights like we were doing within Europe have been absolute fucking terror nightmare. And even the last flights we did before I went home alone was we had the … we had the iPad and we had all of these, you know, things prepared for her, and it was still absolute shit shit shit shit shit. And then you went on this flight alone, which I thought was a very brave decision to do, because we have been through this nightmare so many times. And I got to kind of sleep on my plane home. And I watched three movies, and it was marvelous. So, how did it go?
[018:00] Dennis: It went really well. So, what we did different this time that we’ve never done with you before was that we got her her own seat, and when a kid is that small, when they’re like an infant, they’re not allowed to have their own seat yet. So during takeoff and landing they still have to be in your lap, but when the seatbelt sign is off, they can have their own seat, and that helped so much. And we didn’t pay for an extra ticket or anything like that. It was like maybe like a seat upgrade, like $100 here and $100 there, which is still, I guess, a lot of money. But it wasn’t like we paid for a ticket. And that was so worth it, to have her there. And something that we’re kind of against is the iPad, but having the iPad there on the flight with, like, endless amount of Peppa Pig…
Rachel: Did you turn Peppa Pig off once?
Dennis: On the first flight we didn’t use the iPad at all, and that was like a two-hour flight. And then we had to run from one cate to another gate. So I guess we started using, like, the iPad one hour or one and a half hour into the second flight, the long flight, the eleven-hour flight. And she did have a lot of poop. She did have a lot of … maybe diarrhea, or maybe it was the pressure of the air, but I had to change seven diapers, in total.
Rachel: Of poop!
Dennis: And it was seven diapers of poop.
Rachel: Jesus Christ. And in a normal day she’ll have like one or two.
Dennis: Yeah, one. Two if she’s very active. But after a while, like-
Rachel: (laugh) Seven that’s so much! And I hate change her in the airplane bathrooms. I’ve never done that. I always just change her in the seat.
Dennis: It’s difficult, yeah.
Rachel: And you hate that.
Dennis: I hate that because it’s not nice for the people.
Rachel: People look and it’s not nice, I don’t give a shit. (laugh)
[020:00] Dennis: I don’t want other people to do that to me. But I mean, like, she cried three times, and one of them was the first flight, she fell asleep in my lap, and we started descending and her ear was starting to hurt, I couldn’t give her water while she was sleeping. And on the second flight, on the last hour, at poop number six and then poop number seven, she cried because she didn’t want to be in that tiny bathroom to get her diaper changed. And those were all, like, a thirty second to a one-minute cry each.
Rachel: I mean, comparing that to all her other flights where she has cried non-stop or been fussy non-stop, or cranky non-stop, or demanding, like, we can’t sit down for one second and I’ll stop. It’s night and day. It’s unbelievable.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah.
Rachel: And I was kind of … I don’t know, we were making jokes, you were like, “Maybe you’re the problem?” Because I am so stressed about it that I know it’s going to be so hard, so I kind of dread the flight for so long, and I’m trying to be really calm, but of course I’m tense and I’m worried about her, and she’s not sleeping, and all of this stuff. And then, I don’t know, do you think I am the problem? Or have been part of the problem?
Dennis: Um … Yes and no. Like, yes in the sense of she, when she knows you’re there, maybe she feels she can get that more motherly loving from you compared to that from me.
Rachel: No nonsense.
Dennis: The no nonsense, cold.
Rachel: You’re not cold, what do you mean?
Dennis: But I mean if she starts crying, I’m not going to pick her up or, like, unless she’s hurt. So she just stayed in her chair. But she didn’t, she’s so-
Rachel: What do you mean you’re not going to pick her up unless she’s hurt?
Dennis: I mean, like-
Rachel: If she’s cranky or-
Dennis: If she’s cranky or if she’s fake crying, I guess you would call it, in her seat, I’m not going to go there.
Rachel: You don’t baby her as much as I do, I guess.
Dennis: I don’t know, I …
Rachel: But I know what you mean. She’ll be cranky when we’re at the studio, we’re doing something and I’m like squatting down, I’m like, “Hey, are you okay? What can I get you?” You know, and you just kind of move on, and then she stops crying immediately. She just sees, like, “Oh wait, Daddy’s doing something else.”
[022:00] Dennis: Maybe. Maybe I’m more military?
Rachel: (laugh) You’re not military! Are you kidding?
Dennis: I don’t know. I felt like-
Rachel: You’re no nonsense of like, “Hey, we’re going here now,” and she’s like, “Okay.” With me I’m like, “Wait, is everything fine?” And she’s like, “Nooo! It’s not fine!”
Dennis: Maybe. But yeah, I felt like I tried to treat her like an adult even though she’s 15 months old, and she was able to make her own decisions and would put food in front of her, she was able to eat on her own, I was able to eat on my own, which-
Rachel: That’s unbelievable!
Dennis: Which we normally don’t get.
Rachel: I cannot believe that you, because it requires a tray in front of you, all that stuff. I mean, we’ve never had a meal on a plane with her.
Dennis: No. Or we had to fight to get the meal, yeah.
Rachel: (laugh) You’re so easy going it’s annoying sometimes.
Dennis: But that’s what I had with the traveling too. Like, the fights that we had, or the discussions we had for this traveling, it was the same as this flight. It was a thing we had to do to get from one place to another place. It’s not the most fun thing, but you know when you reach there it is going to be fun.
[024:29] Rachel: Someone asked that, it was actually a really good question that you are so easy-going, you’re so chill, do you have any tips for people who are not? So, it says, “Dennis, you seem so at ease with life. How do you keep your funny and positive outlook on life when times are hard or when things are tense? What is your secret?”
Dennis: I don’t know.
Rachel: But it’s true, you definitely have this.
Dennis: This is also one of the traits you hate the most about me.
Rachel: What do you mean? It’s what I love the most about you, but it’s also what annoys me a lot.
Dennis: Annoys the most out of you.
Rachel: There are two different things. Your easy-goingness-
Dennis: It’s the same thing.
Rachel: It’s not the same thing!
Dennis: The easy-goingness is the same thing as being lazy.
Rachel: No, it’s different, it’s different. The being really slow or lazy or messy is a different thing.
Dennis: I think it’s the same thing. It’s just you can see it in a negative way or in the positive way.
Rachel: Maybe you’re right. No, but it’s definitely, like, if you weren’t easy-going and chill, we would never have a relationship. You are the yin to my yang, and the other way around. It definitely works for us, but then I think there is sometimes where it’s like, “Okay, we gotta get shit done, we gotta go now, we have to do this this this and this.” Like, time management, that’s the thing. That’s what drives me totally up the wall.
Dennis: There’s always tomorrow. Why do it today when you can do it tomorrow?
Rachel: Yeah, you can do it tomorrow.
Dennis: Mañana, man. Mañana.
Rachel: So this is another question that kind of fits in here. “Dennis, what do you think your life would be like if you had never met Rachel?” (laugh)
[026:00] Dennis: Well, it would be very different. But I do feel that my last ex-girlfriends, I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends in my life.
Rachel: How many did you have?
Dennis: I think four?
Rachel: What?! That’s two more than I know of.
Rachel: Okay, wait, no, it’s one more than I know of.
Rachel: Who’s the fourth girl? Oh, you mean from young.
Dennis: Yeah, from high school ’til now, I had four serious relationships. But anyway, I always had a-
Rachel: Wait, who’s the fourth girl? Wait, back up.
Dennis: So I had high school girlfriend, I had college girlfriend, and then I had that girlfriend that you met and you went to visit, and you’re the fourth.
Rachel: Oh, I’m the fourth! Okay. (laugh)
Dennis: Yeah, I’m still there, I’m still on the fourth.
Rachel: Okay, you have had four girlfriends, okay, I get it. Okay, I’m the fourth. Yes. Moving on, uh-huh.
Dennis: Anyway. I feel like I always had something for strong and, like, how do you say … strong opinionated? Or strong characters?
Rachel: Independent women.
Dennis: Yeah, well … (laugh)
Dennis: I don’t know, like, how would you explain it?
Rachel: I know. Yeah yeah, like, a strong character, strongly opinionated women who do things on their own, yes.
Rachel: Yes. But that’s probably because you need that.
Rachel: Imagine if you had a lazy, easy-going, let’s do everything tomorrow partner, like, you would never fucking get anywhere.
Dennis: Probably not.
Rachel: I mean, you would probably be working in the same shack on the beach somewhere.
Dennis: I would own it by now.
Rachel: You think so? Really? (laugh) I don’t know about that. I remember one of the first major life decisions you made in our relationship that was really for you, it was-
Dennis: To quit, yeah.
Rachel: You were managing the surf shop, yeah, so it was the surf shop where we had met, and all your best friends were working there, and you’d been working there since you were 15, something crazy, your whole life. And you wanted to open a skate shop, and it was your dream since little, but you’d been at the surf shop forever, and the owners of the shop were your father figures, family, brothers, however you say it.
[028:00] Dennis: They were family, yeah.
Rachel: But you so badly wanted to pursue this dream. But the thought of quitting was just important. You didn’t want to let them down, and they’re family. And I remember this decision, it was at least a year of-
Dennis: Yeah, but to be-
Rachel: But a year of me nudging you toward it, talking about it all the time, weighing the pros and cons, dreaming how it could work and everything’s going to be fine, it was like … In the end, I think, it felt like you needed a kick in the ass to-
Dennis: For the last second, for the last part I needed, like, definitely some motivation.
Rachel: But that’s what we good to each other.
Dennis: To be honest, maybe it’s because of my ex girlfriend that also had strong opinions. But, oh sorry … I had to burp. But to be honest, I always felt like I’m pretty ambitious. Like, in my group of friends, I was always the little bit more of a doer when it came, business-wise, and stuff. But I’m also, like, okay, we’ll do this, and then tomorrow comes, and then the day after comes-
Rachel: Remember what you said, yesterday, we were watching the World Cup highlights for the Sweden/Mexico game, and Sweden won, woo-hoo! You said something really specific, that the Swedish team, they play really good, they have super good tactics and team spirit and whatever they do, but they can’t finish.
Dennis: They just need the finishing touch.
Rachel: They need the finishing touch, the killer instinct. That kind of applies to you.
Rachel: You don’t think so?
Rachel: Because I think you’re super, like, you can have this big plan in your head and you know you want to get there, but then on the way stuff happens. You get sidetracked and you’re like, “Oh, but that happened today, and then this today,” and then that thing ends up being something that one day in the future plan sort of thing.
[030:00] Dennis: Maybe I’m overthinking this analogy because I know a little bit about soccer. The thing is, with Sweden, and I’m sorry all the Swedish listeners.
Rachel: Don’t talk shit about the Swedish team!
Dennis: I love the team. I’m rooting only for that team. But the difference in that analogy is when Sweden is in front of the goal, they kick the ball super hard, but they don’t hit it on target. So they’re kind of missing their target.
Rachel: You just never kick.
Dennis: I get to the target, I get in front of target, and then I stop.
Rachel: Yes. And you’re like, “Wait, is this a good idea?” And then you think about all of the possible negative outcomes that could be. And then you need a cheerleader.
Dennis: And then I need two or three months to like-
Rachel: No, you need like, here you go. Boom. But it’s really important, because I am the … like, if I was a soccer player, which I mean, technically I could probably be … tell me a soccer player I can compare to. I tried to kick a ball into our pool today and it flew into the house.
Dennis: It went the opposite way.
Rachel: (laugh) But I think I see myself as, like, the finisher. Like, I would be the one to score the goals. That little last piece of getting a project over the finish line, that’s the most inspiring part for me. But then, it’s really good that I have you to pause, think things through, let’s look at the whole perspective and all objectives and all of that. So if I was just kind of this killer instinct doing doing doing doing, I would hit a wall, or it would be … I’m really good at finishing or starting a project and then-
Dennis: Before you met me, you were on the beach as well, you were also in a shack somewhere and not doing much with life.
Rachel: I know. But I was … Yeah. It was like an intermission in my doing. (laugh) Version of-
Dennis: Yeah, three years.
Rachel: Yeah, I don’t know how … And in those three years, I can think about what I did then. I started working as a waitress in-
Dennis: Well you left home, let’s put it like that.
[032:00] Rachel: I left home, that was a big deal.
Dennis: Yeah, leaving home, it’s a doing.
Rachel: And I didn’t have any, I mean, I worked my butt off to save up money to go and sold a bunch of stuff, and then, you know, got my ticket and left. So that was a big thing. Got my own house in the middle of nowhere, made new friends, started a new life. So that was a big thing. So when I finally had got a job, I started working as a waitress at this Italian restaurant, and I think within a week I was so frustrated with how poorly everything was going that I was in the management office drawing up a new plan, I was training this existing staff, “This is how you greet customers, this is what the kitchen needs to change.” So after a couple of weeks, there was talk around town. They were like, “Oh, have you seen that Swedish girl’s restaurant? And people would come thinking that it was my restaurant, but it really wasn’t. So I have always found outlets to like, yeah, to create. I like to be the fixer of shit. If I come into a situation of, “Okay, this is not working, you can improve this,” I like that. I always had those sort of roles even in my laid back shack living. But for myself, in all of those years, I had never had … I don’t remember having a life plan. I wasn’t like, “I’m going to do this for this time and then I’m going to pursue something.” I really wanted to just … I think I just wanted to rest from having a really shitty time in my life before that. And it was also part of being alone. And that’s how I, I think, found myself, because for the first time I was alone. No boyfriend, no family, no drama, everything was new and it was just me and myself. And I sort of felt like the week that I had alone in Aruba, I got to drop back into that version of Rachel for the first time in a decade, I guess. And it was really nice. People were even, like, I would share a video on Instagram, people were like, “Oh my god, this looks like the old Yoga Girl!” Because that’s the energy I was in. I felt like I was 20 years old and on my own, I mean, for six days. But I don’t want to stay in that either.
[034:00] Rachel: But, I think, I’m really grateful that you created that space for me.
Dennis: I think you can be that person with a kid.
Rachel: Yeah, I know, I’m trying so hard.
Dennis: I see all those moms.
Rachel: What do you mean all those moms?
Dennis: All those moms on Instagram with kids, and they’re on the beach the whole day.
Rachel: Dude, fuck all the moms on Instagram with their kids, that shit is not real.
Dennis: It looks pretty real to me.
Rachel: Yeah, the dream life of, “Look how perfect everything is.”
Dennis: Dad is surfing, the kids are surfing, the mom is-
Rachel: No one ever cried and look at all the vegan food we eat. Yeah. I can get inspired by those things, but I also get triggered if I don’t see anything else from a person. It’s like, I want that inspiration of that easy-going life, but I need to know, hey, you’re a human being, you have struggles too, can you share them so that I know that you’re real?
Dennis: Well we’re going to try it in February.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Dennis: We’re going to go in Costa Rica in February. Maybe for a whole month.
Rachel: Yes, we are! Maybe for a whole month.
Dennis: And the house-
Rachel: Yeah, I don’t know. And this is also the whole thing-
Dennis: Make a baby.
Rachel: Excuse me? (laugh) What?!
Dennis: Practice making a baby?
Rachel: What was that? That was of course one of the thousand questions was are we going to have more-
Dennis: Let’s bang those questions out! I feel like you only answered two so far. (laugh)
Rachel: What do you mean? We’re not banging anything out! This is a podcast conversation! You have to learn how to be more laid back. Relax.
Dennis: Oh, I’m sorry. Okay, I can try.
Rachel: (laugh) No, but yeah, are we going to have more kids?
Dennis: Uh, I guess one of us is?
Rachel: (laugh) No, uh, we are going to have more kids.
Dennis: Kid. More kid.
Rachel: Kid. Or kids. Yeah, we definitely want Lea Luna to have a sibling, preferably a little brother, a little son would be completely awesome. But I have completely changed my mind from thinking that we should bang them out the same way you want to bang these questions out right now, and do it at the same time, and the thought was kind of like, oh, we’re already living this baby life, we have all the stuff out, we’re in the zone, so you do two or three at once, and then you’re out of it, kind of. And now the thought of that is, like, terrifying. No no no no no. Maybe that works for people who are not, like, in the middle of building an empire of shit.
[036:00] Dennis: Maybe. But the further we go, the more I’m going to be, like, mm-mm.
Rachel: What do you mean like mm-mm?
Dennis: Because if she’s like five or six, I’m not going to want to do this all over again.
Rachel: You don’t know that.
Dennis: I know that.
Rachel: You don’t know that! You don’t know that-
Dennis: I’m going to snip before that!
Rachel: Excuse me!?
Dennis: I’m going to put an expiring date on these balls.
Rachel: Dude! Stop! Speaking of balls, look at Ringo and his cone. Little ball-less baby dog. No, but I mean, it’s also really nice to be alone with her. Right now, like, I think, for me, if I would be pregnant right now, I mean, of course if that would happen that would be super blessing and amazing, and I really trust in the universe to provide us with a perfect timing for that, so I’m not fearful or doubting or thinking we have to, like, control everything either. But I love being alone with her. I think sharing our attention with her, which is already really hard. It’s hard for me, at least, to work and to be a good wife and friend and boss and all of this stuff, when all I want to do is be her mom. Not that it’s mom or wife. I mean like work or motherhood is hard to mix. So if there was another, you know, imagine, pregnancy and nausea and-
Dennis: And all of the sudden they’re playing with each other and keeping each other busy and stuff!
Rachel: And then it’s back to not sleeping again for at least four or five months!
Dennis: And then she goes in and makes sure that the baby is okay.
Rachel: Ahhh, that’s sounds so cute.
Dennis: I know, it’s the worst.
Rachel: Stop! Dude, can you carry and birth this child for me?
Dennis: I would if I could.
Rachel: You really think you would?
Dennis: Well, I don’t know, it’s easier for me to say now.
Rachel: Yeah, it’s really easy for you to say. But maybe when she is, like, three.
Dennis: I grew the belly with you last time.
[038:00] Rachel: Yeah you did, you did a great job. (laugh) Yeah, time will tell. But she’s in such a fun phase now. To me it’s like every day is like a marvel with her. We have such a good time with her. I miss her all day long. I’m never tired of her.
Rachel: Never. She’s in this phase now where she just walks around and she points at things and she says, “Wow! Wow.” Everything is amazing. Wow. And she’s so so so so so funny. And I kind of, I want her to have us to herself for a little while longer. And for us to kind of … to be able to focus on what we’re growing and doing with the business now, it’s also important.
Dennis: Yeah, with the business I fully agree. With her, I agree half.
Rachel: I need another, like 18 months with this business.
Dennis: So in nine months we try to push it.
Rachel: No, in 18 months we can-
Dennis: But then you’re wanting 20-something months.
Rachel: What do you mean? Dude, this starts with pregnancy. Pregnancy counts as work, are you kidding? That’s a lot.
Dennis: Yeah, you work when you’re pregnant, I know.
Rachel: No, dude, okay, oh my god, oh my god.
[040:19] Rachel: Moving on- (laugh)
Dennis: Okay, question number four.
Rachel: Question number whatever. Um, there’s a really overwhelming amount of questions about our differences as people, which we just kind of talked about. Here’s, like, five questions that literally, like, I had to compile them all because there was so many of them. So the questions go, “How do you handle struggles of Rachel? LOL. No offense to Rachel. How do you guys deal with tension and tough times? Dennis, how do you cope with Rachel’s controlling behavior? No offense Rachel. Dennis, what is the most challenging thing about being married to Rachel?” (laugh) Do you think there’s an overwhelming view out there that I’m a difficult person to live with? (laugh)
Dennis: That’s weird! People think you’re controlling? Do they say anything about you being loud in there? (laugh)
Rachel: I’m so quiet, like the baby, she’s also-
Dennis: Yeah, she’s so, that pterodactyl is so quiet.
Rachel: She’s so loud, we’re so loud together, l love it.
Dennis: I don’t know how to answer those questions.
Rachel: (laugh) Okay, maybe we can break this down. What is the most challenging thing about being married to me?
Dennis: You being controlling.
Dennis: No, I don’t know, that’s-
Rachel: You’re just trying to give them what they want. But I think these questions are coming in right now because I’ve been talking about this so much on the podcast.
Dennis: Oh yeah?
Rachel: So so so much about, specifically, since motherhood, my controlling side has escalated.
Dennis: Skyrocketed, yeah.
Rachel: Skyrocketed. I wasn’t like this before.
Dennis: I do have a problem with you trying to control me when you’re not at home. But I have been pretty clear about that.
Rachel: Yeah, but I don’t do that much of it anymore.
[042:00] Dennis: Yes, you do.
Rachel: Tell me, how.
Dennis: Yesterday, for instance.
Rachel: What did I do yesterday?
Dennis: You’re like, “Come and have lunch with us now.” And then I’m there and then you’re eating lunch for three minutes and then you’re like, “Take the baby, go home.”
Rachel: But that’s not being controlling, those two things are not related.
Dennis: Well it’s pretty controlling to me.
Rachel: That was different thing. It was us having lunch together and then me forgetting that I had a meeting and I had to run in the middle of lunch, and that sucked. But an example of me being controlling with the baby when you’re away is that, in my book, is like me asking, like, “Did she eat? What did she eat? Make sure she doesn’t eat too much bread.”
Dennis: And then you send a text with ten to-do things.
Rachel: Yes, yes, that’s probably what more is the-
Dennis: I usually don’t answer those.
Rachel: I know, you never answer that. I have also learned that my worry, and I mean, like, I worry that, okay, is she meeting her nutritional needs? And the reason I worry about that is because you have no fucking clue about what it means to eat healthy and what she needs to eat in a day.
Dennis: I think she’s just find with chicken wings and-
Rachel: Yeah, but I mean, you would just, as long as she’s not hungry, she’s fine, right? So with you she will eat bread for breakfast, bread for lunch, bread for dinner.
Dennis: Well the b things on top of that bread of course. And fruit, I give her lots of fruits. And green juice.
Rachel: Yes, bread and fruit, it’s like, oh my god, kill me now. I like to prepare for the baby. I want her to eat, you know, she eats tons of protein and prepare her fresh, homemade food. And that she eats a lot of vegetables and beans and all of that shit. Which, of course, you don’t do because you also don’t cook.
Dennis: But she does get fresh restaurant food all the time.
Rachel: She gets fresh restaurant food with Dennis all the time. So, what I’ve realized is for me to not be this controlling, overbearing wife, if I prepare some, like, you know, “Here is what she’ll have for breakfast and lunch,” then I know you’ll feed her that, because you’re like, “Oh, convenient.” It’s already done, like, it’s there.
[044:00] Rachel: And then I don’t even have to ask, because I know she just eat something well. Or some days I just have to let it go, you’re out and about and I can’t, you know, it is what it is that day. And then sending you the note is enough for me to calm that anxious mind, you know? And I know you’re not going to respond and you’re going to continue doing what you did, but at least I put it out there, you know? So there’s also, like-
Dennis: Let’s do some yes and no questions.
Rachel: Dude! A lot of people asked this, I think, because it’s really common to have these two roles in a relationship of one being more easy going and one being more controlling, or whatever. And I also don’t think … Being controlling is not like a horrible, terrible thing. That side of me gets stuff done, you know? It’s built this business, it’s renovated this house.
Dennis: Yeah yeah, you can control in your controlling job at work.
Rachel: That’s the thing, there are so many things that are out of control. We were talking about this, how this trait in both of us, I mean, it comes from different places and how parenting will kind of bring forth all the stuff you have to deal with, right?
Rachel: So my controlling side comes out because I’m worried about her, right? It’s not because I enjoy being this controlling person.
Dennis: Yeah, I understand that.
Dennis: It’s still annoying.
Rachel: (laugh) Still annoying. Okay. So, if I would answer the same question, what’s the hardest-
Dennis: Did they ask you or did they just ask me?
Rachel: Shhh! Shut up! I get to take part of this. What do you think is the most annoying thing for me of being married to you?
Dennis: My easy-goingness.
Dennis: That’s how I … Is that how we call it in this sentence too?
Rachel: (laugh) This podcast is making me look like shit right now and you’re like the saving day hero. It’s okay, I’ll take that hit. Um, no, I’m not going to say your easy-goingness, because that’s what I super love about you. If I move on to something else, I think it’s your inability to communicate that’s hard.
Dennis: Oh yeah. Yeah, I don’t like talking. But people from this podcast know that already.
Rachel: That you don’t like talking. But you talk a lot on the podcast.
Dennis: Yeah. I talk.
Rachel: Yeah, you talk. So, how do we deal with that? Like, I shared how I’m working on my controlling side, how do you deal-
[046:00] Dennis: Well, you talk a lot.
Rachel: Let me finish my question! How do you deal or work on your communication?
Dennis: I would say yes or no on a firmer, like, so people would understand I’m communicating better.
Rachel: Mmhm, that’s good.
Dennis: That’s it.
Rachel: No, there’s much more!
Dennis: You do all the talking, I just nod yes or no.
Rachel: (laugh) Convenient for you. No, but I feel like you are working on that more. That’s kind of something that came out of our discussions, i.e. fights that we had over these past months.
Dennis: I feel me talking more gives us more fights.
Rachel: You asking for what you need, that was a big takeaway that we had, that sometimes, or a lot of times, frustration builds up in you because you feel like you’re not cared for, your needs are not met, but then you’re also not communicating those needs, so no one knows what you need.
Dennis: Mmm, okay.
Rachel: You don’t agree?
Dennis: I feel like sometimes I do communicate these things, but people don’t take-
Rachel: They don’t hear you? (laugh)
Dennis: They don’t think, or they don’t take my needs as serious because I’m always the easy-going, and I’m always the chill, you know, Dennis will be fine. If you ask for needs and then people freak out, they’re like, “Oh, Rachel needs this otherwise hell is going to come.”
Rachel: That’s not how it goes.
Dennis: I feel that’s how it goes. In our company.
Rachel: What I know is in our company, if we are in that really stressful place, there is a lot of pressure, and I know there’s something I need for me to do my job, I will articulate that, and I will say, “This needs to happen, and it’s a priority today.” And then everybody’s like, “Okay, great, by today we have to figure this out.” If it’s re-arranging this or whatever, some project needs to be finished … But with you you’ll kind of, like, you’ll not say anything for a long time and then it bubbles over.
Dennis: No, I’ll be like, “Hey, you know what? This would be nice, if you could make this happen, this would be nice.” And then six months happen.
[048:00] Rachel: Yeah, “This could be nice.” Yes, maybe we should talk, and then everybody’s like, “Okay, we’ve got a lot of shit to do.” And then six months later you’re like, “Well, no one ever did that thing that I casually mentioned when I was making someone coffee that day.” (laugh) So the communication, you know, being assertive with what you want, that’s a big thing, I think. But I’m trying to do that a lot with you now. Like, I’m asking the team a lot, “Did you check in with Dennis?” So that I’m not the one always asking, but that they also make sure that your needs are met. Yeah, it’s not easy, you know, working together. But I feel like we’re definitely doing our best, I know that.
Okay, let’s move on to something else. I’m a little sick of talking about how controlling I am, we’re making it sound like it’s totally terrible. It’s not. That’s why, I mean, I do a lot of yoga, meditation, to arrive at a place of more-
Dennis: Maybe you should go to C.A.
Rachel: What’s that?
Dennis: Control Anonymous.
Rachel: (laugh) Okay, fork you. Moving on. So, okay, speaking of business, Dennis, this question is for you, if you weren’t in the Yoga Girl business, what would you be doing?
Rachel: Oh, that was super fast.
Dennis: Yeah, because that’s what I do.
Rachel: That’s what you do.
Dennis: I still do that.
Rachel: Yes, you still do. So share a little bit. What is your-
Dennis: Like, owning a retail store. Make sure that it’s stocked and selling. It’s nothing … When we, maybe I don’t know if I talked about this in past podcasts, but the last retail store that I had, together with my best friend, managed, we had a very niche boutique. Niche boutique a lot of times are not the best because you don’t have a lot of clients.
Rachel: You had a little skate shop, you mean? A fancy little skate shop.
Dennis: A fancy skate shop is a niche boutique.
Rachel: (laugh) Yes, very niche.
[050:00] Dennis: Anyway, what we would so is we would have a big red couch that I kind of miss and we had a T.V. in there, we had a PlayStation in there, so all the kids would come after school and they would come there and take turns and play PlayStation, soccer or murder game, like Call of Duty, which is super fun. And yeah, we did that for two and a half years, and it was super fun, and I still get people asking about those days. The kids really miss it. It was a really nice period.
Rachel: Did anything else pop up on that island to kind of replace the skate shop?
Dennis: No, and there never really was something before that that had that kind of vibe.
Rachel: It was a community space.
Dennis: They would come and chill and we’d still be closed so then all of us could go skate together for sunset.
Rachel: Oh my god, those were the days. That red couch. Didn’t someone take that red couch?
Dennis: Yeah, Shazim.
Rachel: Shazim has the red couch! So we could actually bring it back.
Dennis: No, I don’t think we want it back. It was gross before it was in the skate shop, and then I think Shazim maybe made it a little grosser.
Rachel: (laugh) Those were really good times, and you’re really good at that. And it’s what you do in our business right now.
Rachel: Our baby just woke up. Can you press pause?
[052:48] Rachel: Okay, next question. This is a good one because it made me think a little bit. Someone is asking, “What are your favorite daily,” so day to day, “routines, stuff that you guys always do?”
Dennis: Me and the baby.
Rachel: All of us.
Dennis: Oh, that was a question for all of us. I thought you were asking me.
Rachel: All of us. So do you have something specific?
Dennis: I like it when we run together as a family.
Rachel: Yeah, I hate it so much!
Rachel: We ran yesterday. That shit was excruciating torture. I don’t even know. What do you love about it?
Dennis: I got to go running.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s a good thing.
Dennis: But I mean, it’s nice to do something together.
Rachel: Yeah. I love the idea of it, and I love it when we drive to the beach together, and then we take the stroller out and we prepare everything, and then we start running, and then-
Dennis: Then it’s not so fun anymore.
Rachel: Then it’s not so fun anymore. (laugh) Someone was asking me yesterday, “If you hate running so much, why do you do it?” Because I like to do it, all of us, the family runs are super nice.
Dennis: You ran on your own a few days ago.
[054:00] Rachel: Two weeks ago maybe, yeah. So that’s not really it. Yeah, that’s your favorite thing that we do a lot?
Dennis: That’s the thing that comes to mind because we did it yesterday. But yeah, what is the favorite thing for you then?
Rachel: Um, I love our mornings. Our mornings are my favorite. I’m appreciating it so much right now, especially after not having it for these past … for this whole spring. Her waking up and getting her out of her crib, and you kind of stay in bed a little longer, and then we go out and I cut fruit for her, and I love to prepare a really nice breakfast and light candles, or we sit outside. Breakfast is like a thing for us, I feel.
Rachel: Like, the other day I made breakfast the way I always do, and you were like, “Hey, I gotta go, I’ve got a meeting!” I was like, “What!?” I felt, like, deceived that you were not going to have breakfast with us, because we always have breakfast together, and to me that’s my favorite moment of the day. I really love that. Do you have a least favorite daily routine? Or something that we have to do every day or that we do every day that you don’t enjoy so much?
Dennis: Yeah, when we’re not running.
Rachel: (laugh) Everything else, the other 23 hours of the day. (laugh)
Dennis: No, no, I don’t know. Like, for me, as long as I know that we are going to do something fun in the day, the day is okay. But we’re just stuck at home the whole day, then it sucks.
Rachel: But we’re not often stuck at home.
Rachel: Mm-mm. A lot of, because I decided, at least, since having that week to myself, that I wanted to start making some changes, and then last week’s podcast I was kind of … I didn’t know what those changes were going to be, because I felt like we have to get back to the day-to-day stuff for me to know what works. But we have been making … we have had some changes over the past weeks since you’ve been back, right?
[056:00] Dennis: Like what?
Rachel: Like getting up really early in the morning.
Dennis: Yeah. But we used to do that before we traveled too.
Rachel: No, like not before the baby woke up.
Dennis: Yeah, not like 5 a.m. early, but we used to wake up like at six every day.
Rachel: Yeah, but not … I guess what I mean is the conscious decision to sleep early, change some stuff in the evening so we can get up early and you can go for a run or practice yoga and I can practice, so we’re kind of ready to go by the time the baby wakes up.
Rachel: How is that for you so far?
Dennis: We haven’t done it so much yet.
Rachel: I’ve done it every day since you came back.
Rachel: Yes. (laugh)
Dennis: I haven’t. I think I did it once.
Rachel: You were up this morning, no, you ran yesterday. No.
Dennis: I haven’t … I didn’t run in the morning.
Rachel: I can’t remember. You got up super … Oh no, you had a race. Yeah, you had a triathlon.
Rachel: You had a triathlon, and then this morning you got up early.
Rachel: Too. But I have been every day since you guys came home, I have been up at 5:00 or 5:30 and I have been on my mat outside by sunrise. This was something that I really enjoyed when I was alone and it sort of gave me a head start, I guess, to the day. So then I didn’t feel like I’m always behind, trying to catch up on stuff. But I got my alone time in every morning. And to me it makes a huge difference. It makes a big, big, big difference in my overall well-being. But it also, like, we decided yesterday that we’re not going to … We’re going to go to bed early so we can actually have those morning, but it’s really hard!
Dennis: Yeah, it is.
Rachel: I mean, I kind of want to have my cake and eat it too. Like, I want late nights.
Dennis: If you can nap in the day, you can.
[058:00] Rachel: No, I can’t. Like, I can’t, if we are up until 12 or 1, I can’t get up at 5 and still function. I probably shouldn’t try that either. But that’s at least, I mean, it’s a big part of my self care and it’s something I decided I’m going to stick to. And then another thing that we talked about that we haven’t tried out yet is that we discussed having once a month, for each of us, a day to ourselves. And you countered that and said, “Every other month a weekend to ourselves,” instead.
Dennis: Every season. Like, every … Yeah-
Rachel: Every season, like once a quarter.
Dennis: Once a quarter, yeah.
Rachel: Are we going to do that?
Dennis: It’s … that’s up to you. I feel like you need it more than I do. (laugh)
Rachel: (laugh) But can’t you see, like you know, because I ask you a lot, don’t you want to be alone? Go take a trip with the guys? Do something? But you’re not into that so much.
Dennis: Well, if one of the guys were doing a surf trip or they’re doing something specific, I probably would want to join.
Rachel: But you wouldn’t plan it.
Dennis: But I would rather have a week that I know every week I know that Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning is my morning to work out, compared to having a day in the week or having, like, if I can just move my body for a few hours every morning, I will be good for the week.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s really, that’s your self care, that movement, kind of intense, more intense movement than I do, at least. Like long runs, long bike rides, all that stuff.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. And is there anything else that you feel is a part of your self care routine that, you know, that you need to feel good throughout the week?
Dennis: Basically move.
Rachel: (laugh) You’re so easy! (laugh) And this has been, like, my big contemplation of how can I make space for this and how can I make space for that, you know? The idea of being that easy-going hippie version of me that just is so relaxed all the time while being a mom.
Rachel: I’m trying to make my way there, and maybe little bits at a time I can, like, I don’t know.
Dennis: Yeah. I think … What they always say is with the first kid you’re always like, it’s the Faberge egg. With the second kid you don’t really care anymore.
[060:00] Rachel: (laugh) Yeah. I mean, we have a little Faberge egg. She’s very loud. But yeah, do you mean in terms of being more nervous, I guess?
Dennis: Yeah, being more relaxed.
Rachel: Yeah, with the second one.
Rachel: Yeah, but I want to be relaxed now with her.
Dennis: Well, switch the button on.
Rachel: Switch the relax button on. Yeah, I wish there was a button to, like, okay, let’s be a chill human being every day, but that’s not really how it works for me. So that part, like, being up early, doing what I need to do, because if I put it at the end of the day, it doesn’t happen. That’s just what it is. That’s a non-negotiable that I’m inviting now. For you, I mean, it’s those movements, and I’ve figured out if you don’t do that you get really miserable.
Dennis: I get angry, yeah.
Rachel: You get angry and frustrated and then we start fighting, and I’ll be like, “Why is he such a fucking grumpy person?” And then I’m like, “Oh, okay, wait, did you move this week?” And then you didn’t.
Rachel: So it’s good that we start recognizing each other’s needs and then supporting each other in that. It’s really good.
Rachel: I hope we can do a better job at that from now.
Dennis: Yeah, we can try.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, so, we are about to enter this super intense time right now. Today is our anniversary, we’re going to celebrate today, and then tomorrow we step into 23 days of teacher training. Are you ready for that?
Dennis: (laugh) Well, yes and no. Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah? Yes and no? How are you ready, how are you …
Dennis: I don’t have to … The only chore I have is to be with the baby. But, I mean, ready, I could, yeah, of course, I can do it. But not ready in a sense of, like, I would wish to have a little nanny or something to help me one or two hours in that week so I can move a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah, it’s a lot. It’s a long training, it’s our intensive training, we have 52 people here, most of them have already arrived.
Dennis: For a whole month.
[062:00] Rachel: For a whole month. And the studio is kind of, I don’t want to say “frantic” because everything is under control, but just being in the studio-
Rachel: Chaotic. Being at the studio today you can kind of feel the energy of everyone gearing up for this huge thing. And the café is super busy and all of the classes are super full. So it’s … It’s a big thing for us. And I’m super excited! Do you remember last time? The last one we had?
Dennis: Yeah, but in that one too I wasn’t in there so much. I was there for the welcome and the departing dinner.
Dennis: But for the rest there was, yeah, you guys were super busy.
Rachel: Do you miss it? Being part of the groups in this sort of way?
Dennis: Yeah, a lot.
Rachel: I love, like, I would love to have you back teaching at the studio, and then us doing our anatomy workshops and, you know, pose breakdowns and stuff together.
Dennis: Yeah, maybe in the future. (laugh)
Rachel: (laugh) When is that future?
Dennis: I don’t know, when the baby is old enough to … Maybe when the baby is in school, I don’t know.
Rachel: Or maybe when you practice enough yoga to teach again?
Dennis: Maybe. But I think for me to practice enough yoga is a couple of months of practicing. For the baby to be old enough to take care of itself, it’s a couple of years, I guess.
Rachel: But we … we did something huge! Oh my god, we didn’t even talk about that. We made a massive decision for our self care and the sake of our business. We hired an au pair! What?! Am I not allowed to say that?
Dennis: Yeah, you can say that. I’m still a little skeptical.
Rachel: Why are you skeptical? Okay, so we-
Dennis: She has to-
Rachel: Wait wait wait, one thing at a time. So, we have hired an au pair, because the baby is super young, there’s not really a kindergarten or anything good for her to do here, now, at 15 months old, and we want to continue spending time with her when she’s this little, but we also have so much fucking work to do. That’s just what it is.
Rachel: So part of mine and Dennis’ decision over our last discussions over the past couple of months is that, okay, we need an extra pair of hands so that we can do what has to get done in a day and not, like, go insane.
[064:00] So we have hired an au pair!
Rachel: A Swedish au pair, a Swedish girl. We’re super excited. Her name is Beatrice. How do I say that in English? Bea. And she’s coming in like three weeks or four weeks.
Dennis: Four weeks, if she passes her driver’s tests.
Rachel: She doesn’t have a driver’s license.
Dennis: So that’s why I’m a little skeptic.
Rachel: That’s your skepticism, okay, okay. But I think she’ll do great, and then she’s going to be here. And then life will be super different. You’re very excited about that because that means you can kind of go back to work in a real way.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah.
Rachel: I’m nervous about it because I want to be with the baby all the time. It’s just I’m constantly conflicted because I have too much to do, and we’re in a space right now where we can’t really slow down in terms of business, so it’s like I have to be away. So, I don’t know, I want to manage my guilt, like, I’m trying to think of it, okay, if we were just a normal forking family and we had 9 to 5 jobs and then every morning we go to work, that’s normal. Everybody does that. I have to put myself in that mindset, that’s a normal thing, there’s nothing bad about that at all.
Dennis: Yeah, but we’re not going to do it for 10 hours a day though.
Rachel: No. We’re going to have her, like, so she’s going to work part time at the studio and part time maybe in the shop, at the boutique or something, and then part time with us. But I’m really excited about it. And she’s Swedish, so the baby will like-
Dennis: Learn Swedish.
Rachel: Learn even more Swedish. Dude, that’s like the only language she speaks, come on.
Dennis: But I mean, the older she gets, the more she goes around with other people, the less Swedish she will hear.
Rachel: Yeah, she needs to learn more Papiamento.
Rachel: Yeah, that’s your job, that’s your job, for sure.
Dennis: That’s the island’s job.
Rachel: (laugh) That’s the island’s job. How are we going to celebrate today? I was looking at all of our wedding photos. Kind of dreaming my way back to our wedding, our wedding was the best. No offense to Patrick and Olivia or Bella and Gustav, or any of the amazing weddings we went to this year, but our wedding was, I mean, it was great.
[066:00] Dennis: I liked it.
Rachel: Yeah, you had a good time.
Dennis: It was good, it was nice.
Rachel: (laugh) Fuck you!
Dennis: There was like a welcome drink. There was like a middle drink. Then there was a farewell drink.
Rachel: Oh my god, we drank so much. That was the craziest weekend. I kind of want to relive it. Can we do an anniversary, like, a reunion party next year?
Dennis: I’m up for it, but it’s … Can we afford it?
Rachel: It’s a lot of work, and can we afford it. I asked Dennis today, I was like, “Can we do like a party for our fifth anniversary?” He was like, “Yeah, you think your dad will pay for this one too?” (laugh) Because he helped us with the first wedding, with the wedding. No, probably not, I think that’s on us.
Dennis: Yeah, I don’t think we can afford a dinner for 200.
Rachel: (laugh) 200 people are not going to come. I mean, we should invite everyone who was at the wedding, but I mean, if we are like 50 people who show up, I think that’s probably good enough.
Dennis: If we make Ramen we can afford it, I guess.
Rachel: If we make Ramen! That would be cool!
Rachel: A ramen party. We can serve Palmera rum, the really cheap Aruban rum.
Rachel: Sounds like a party. Let’s do it. So, we have tonight to celebrate our anniversary. I have a surprise for you, actually.
Dennis: But I know already what you’re doing. Or you have an extra surprise?
Rachel: No you don’t. … Yeah!
Dennis: Oh. Is it … Is it sexy?
Rachel: Very sexy. (laugh) No, actually, it’s not at all. But I can maybe arrange something in that department too, if I try really hard. (laugh) No, it’s going to be a good evening. I feel like tonight is our night to land, so it’s good that this falls on our anniversary. So, happy anniversary, babe.
Dennis: Happy anniversarary to you too.
Rachel: Anniversarary. Let’s make a commitment to, for this next year of our marriage, to really, to do a better job at taking care of ourselves.
[068:00] Dennis: Okay.
Rachel: Do you agree? Like, not of ourselves as couple stuff, but like, the self-care.
Dennis: Why not?
Rachel: Both! Because I think we do that really well.
Dennis: Oh yeah?
Rachel: You don’t?
Dennis: No, I’m just asking you.
Rachel: (laugh) If you get to look at the year that’s coming, what would you like to make sure that we do?
Dennis: Um, Like, all the things I can think of, they’re all kind of sexual.
Rachel: (laugh) Jesus Christ. I was just thinking, I’m like, “We made it through a whole hour podcast and you did not make any inappropriate sex jokes, that’s amazing.” (laugh)
Rachel: Okay. So, do you want to … Should we talk about that later? Okay, let’s talk about that later.
Rachel: Do you have a surprise for me too?
Dennis: No. Sorry. I don’t. You said you were going to take care of this one, so I thought, okay, it was on you. And we decided-
Rachel: (laugh) I just geared you up for an inappropriate joke and you didn’t take it.
Dennis: Oh (laugh). I’m sorry. No but I thought we were going to give each other gifts in one month.
Rachel: Yeah, we are, we are. We’ll save it. Okay, well thanks for coming on the show. Maybe next time you’re on the show you can, on the podcast, share the surprise that you did for me for our anniversary.
Rachel: That’s my way of holding you accountable to actually doing it.
Dennis: Sounds good.
Rachel: Okay, I love you long time.
Dennis: Love you too. Did we do all the questions though?
Rachel: No no no, there was like thousands of them. We’ll do a part two.
Rachel: Thank you guys for checking in. We’ll see you, or I will see you, next week.
[End of Episode]
Transferwise – transferwise.com/podcast
La Croix – lacroixwater.com
Sun Basket – sunbasket.com/yoga
Four Sigmatic – foursigmatic.com/yogagirl