Episode 39 – The Inappropriate Husband with Dennis Schoneveld
Listen to this episode here!
In this episode Rachel is joined by her husband Dennis for what might just be the most hilarious (and politically incorrect) episode ever. They have a conversation thats both relaxed, heated, and slightly inappropriate at times about everything from meat eating vs veganism, living a privileged life, the challenges of running a yoga studio, parenthood and what it’s like to spend literally every hour of the day together. Dennis shares what he loves most about Rachel (hint: we should have edited some stuff out but didn’t), gives his best advice for finding your way in life and how at the end of the day, it’s all about gratitude.
[000:00] [Commercial Break]
RB: Hi, and welcome to another episode of From The Heart: Conversations with Yoga Girl. Today I have a super special and the most attended guest ever on the podcast, my husband and baby-daddy, Dennis Schoneveld. Welcome, welcome, welcome!
DS: Hello! Thank you for having me again. (laugh)
RB: (laugh) Are you very excited and proud that you’ve been on the podcast more than anyone else?
[002:00] DS: Yes, of course.
RB: Yes, only Olivia has been twice. This is your third time.
DS: Mm-hmm. Olivia has nothing on me.
RB: (laugh) Olivia has nothing on you. But it’s really interesting to me how, okay, the podcasts that you and I do are some of the most downloaded of all, which you always thing is weird.
RB: And people request for you to come back on the podcast all the time.
DS: I think they download it by accident, and then they request it by accident.
RB: (laugh) It’s just a series of accidents.
RB: Why do you think that is?
DS: I really don’t know. Maybe they want to get to know you on a more private part of the relationship?
RB: I think they want to get to know you.
DS: Yeah, I doubt that.
RB: The thing about you is that, we talked about this just now, that you’re kind of an awkward person.
RB: You’re awkward, like, in a good way, in the very, like I love your awkwardness. But you’re awkward in the public eye.
DS: And in the private eye.
[003:00] RB: (laugh) Private eye awkwardness. People don’t understand that you’re just awkward in any situation, it has nothing to do with being in the limelight or on social media. It’s just-
DS: I’m awkward.
RB: You’re kind of an awkward guy.
RB: So, what about when you come on the show? Is it getting easier to be a guest on the podcast? Because the first time, I mean, we had so many people requesting, and I had to nag you for weeks. Second time I had to nag you, like, a couple of days. And now you just-
DS: To now, a day.
RB: Yeah, one day. But I didn’t even, like, really nag. You were like, “Okay, I’ll do that podcast.”
RB: Yeah, do you like it?
DS: Uhhh, yeah?
DS: I don’t mind it as much.
RB: It’s getting easier and funner, maybe?
DS: It’s getting definitely easier, yeah.
RB: Okay, good. Well we get so many questions and I think … How was your day today? Are you having a good day?
DS: Yeah, I’m having a good day.
RB: Are you having a good December? It’s almost Christmas.
[004:00] DS: Yeah, this year though, I don’t remember anything of it, it went by so fast.
RB: I mean, we had a baby.
DS: We had a baby, we had a lot of traveling. Yeah, for me, one of the other highlights besides having a baby was finishing that Ironman.
RB: Finishing the Ironman. That was what our last podcast was kind of about.
DS: Yeah. It was a really good year, it’s just it went by so fast I kind of don’t remember it.
RB: I kind of don’t remember … We have our one year anniversary of Island Yoga in like a week, January first.
RB: I can’t believe we’ve only been open … We’ve been open for less year! Feels like we’ve been doing this for–
DS: Yeah, we survived a whole year!
RB: We survived a whole year! Nobody died. We haven’t had any major crazy things happen at the studio. Everyone is still here, and the team.
DS: Oh, the team changed a lot.
RB: The team changed a lot. But we didn’t have anyone quit in an outrage, or anyone get-
RB: We did? Who?
DS: Yeah. Like, a couple of the staff people. This place is a huge drama-
DS: This building, that it doesn’t have its own reality show, it’s …
RB: I know, okay, Island Yoga needs its own reality show. But I mean, like, we didn’t have anyone quit in an outrage, like, “I hate you, go away, I’ll never come back.”
DS: Not us, but two, yeah.
RB: What do you mean, two?
DS: We had two, one was in the kitchen and one was in the front of the house, and-
RB: Ohhhhh, okay. Can we talk about that? That’s-
DS: Well someone-
RB: The problem with me is, okay, and this is part o an issue we have at Island Yoga is I, when I think of the Island Yoga team, I don’t really think about the restaurant. And that sucks.
DS: That’s bad, yeah.
RB: I need to change that. That’s really bad. So, if you haven’t been at Island Yoga, it’s the most beautiful place ever. We have a big shop in the front, and then we have three yoga studios, or three shalas. Then an office, and then in the back, like the back of the building, we have a restaurant, café, and a garden that wraps around it. We have different staff for the food part, for the café, than we have for the Island Yoga team. So, when I think about the Island Yoga team, I’m thinking about the yoga and the teacher trainings that we do, and the retreats, and the staff that works closely with me day to day.
[006:04] DS: Yeah.
RB: But then we have a whole group of staff-
DS: In the kitchen, yeah.
RB: In the kitchen that I don’t interact with everyday, of course.
DS: Yeah. But the whole building is the team.
RB: Yeah, of course, of course. I should stop dividing that. But it’s because I don’t, you know, I don’t email with them, I don’t sit on the phone with them, I don’t talk about day to day stuff. That’s why.
DS: Yeah. And you don’t even order your own food.
RB: (laugh) Shut the fork up, okay? Okay, I don’t even order my own food. I’m such a prima donna. No, but it’s really true. We’ve had a really hard time with the restaurant.
DS: Well, yeah. But it’s not only that. Just imagine, if I can paint a picture for the audience that hasn’t been here yet. You have a building, it’s a pretty big building, and you put 20 people that does yoga and that is really open about talking about their feeling and, you know, know that they can know shit, and you put them all together to work days in and days out, day after day.
RB: So many people that all are hippy-dippy, trusting the universe.
[007:00] RB: Flakey, but also very hard workers.
DS: Yeah, they’re all hard workers. It’s just that you have that, and then you have this for a whole year.
RB: We’ve had a couple … oh my god, yes.
DS: That this building is still standing is nothing short of a miracle.
RB: (laugh) And people ask, like, why is it so hard to sustain a business in the yoga world? Well, if you employ people from the yoga world, you’re going to make more magic, but you’re going to have a way harder time along the way.
DS: It’s so difficult, yeah. But now we’re not employing yoga people anymore. In the kitchen, at least.
RB: No, we stopped … In the kitchen at least. But part of that is, you know, I guess the problem that we’ve had in the past is that we had a lot of people that came to the team that had either been on a retreat with us, or they had been practicing and maybe they follow us through social media.
DS: They were clients.
RB: Not just that, but people that are willing to, at the drop of a dime leave everything behind at home, move across the world to another country, pick up and leave. They’re kind of in an unstable place in their life, of course.
DS: Yeah, but that’s really amazing that people will do this for us, to start with.
[008:00] RB: Of course it’s amazing, hell yes.
DS: But at the same time, it’s-
RB: It means that they’re probably going through some stuff, right?
RB: Then we put them in the pot of all the people, and everyone-
DS: We put them in a pot with 20 more of them.
RB: 20 more of them! And me! That’s the thing, everyone here goes through stuff. The difference is, like with a regular workplace, is that we talk about it. It’s really out in the open, and we’re all really vulnerable, we’re really open hearted, and everything is personal.
DS: Yeah, but when they come here … Yeah, that I agree all. But when they come here before, they’re on a retreat, they’re getting teacher Rachel leading her love retreat, and then when they come to work, they get boss Rachel.
RB: (laugh) I know. People-
DS: You don’t fuck with boss Rachel.
RB: (laugh) You don’t fuck with boss Rachel. Who else is going to keep this whole machine running? That’s the thing?
[009:00] RB: I mean, I wear a lot of hats. But this is also why we we’re not employing people on a whim anymore. Especially not people that just came through the yoga world. We’re really spending time to look for … Actually, to be conscious about hiring. We haven’t really don’t that at all. We haven’t had any structure. We just ended up with 35+ people that kind of entered our life through one way or another, but we never put an add out in the paper, or looked, like linked in, or actually made an effort to find the perfect person for the right position.
DS: We started doing that now.
RB: Now we are. But this past couple of years we have not done that. That’s why.
DS: This whole year we’ve been working on structures, but we still don’t have it.
RB: But I mean, that’s why all our team, it’s like a potpourri. It’s a mix of the most loving, open-hearted, kind of slightly eccentric and intense, like we’re all family, but we all also sometimes have drama, like a family do. So, the one person, yeah, we had a person quit in the restaurant in a really dramatic way.
DS: Two person.
RB: Yeah, but not in a dramatic way. In like an intense way.
DS: Which one are you talking about? The one that worked in the front or the one that worked in the kitchen?
RB: In the kitchen.
DS: Oh yeah. That was pretty … Yeah.
[010:00] RB: Oh, they were both in the restaurant. Oh, okay. Okay, we shouldn’t have these conversations on the podcast!
RB: I can tell this is going further! I was like, I think of the year and I’m like, “Oh my god, the whole team, we’re still in tact. Everybody loves each other, we have such a good thing going.” And you’re like, “Uh, no!” (laugh) We did have someone quit in an outrage. But it’s really really hard. That’s the thing. So, two, three years ago, the whole business of Yoga Girl, or Island Yoga, all of this, it was you, me and Amelie, who is our Island Yoga manager. It was just us sitting around a kitchen table.
RB: Then we had some people that worked remotely, but everything we did was mostly online, through email. It’s a different thing when you put personalities together in the same room. Especially in such an intimate space. I think when we do teacher trainings and retreats, we work like 20 hour days.
DS: Yeah, easily.
[011:00] RB: Yeah, so we get … And also we do so much work with the students that come here, we have to do the work ourselves. And that’s been, I think, my challenge this year is I don’t want to have people on the team who aren’t willing to look at their own shit, because I live very much in the open. If I’m going through a hard time, everybody knows it. If I’m having an issue today, everybody knows it. If I’m crying about something, it’s out in the open. I want to have those types of relationships with everyone that’s on the team. I don’t want to have to kind of work to get to the root of the problem, but for people to dare to be vulnerable. That also means that we have to learn to deal with our own shit.
RB: And not everybody likes that, I guess. I guess.
RB: So, I mean, looking at the whole year, because we made it through the year, we have beautiful staff. We’ve had some people drop out, we’ve had new people come on. I think, as with any business, we’re working through our ups and downs and our highs and our lows. What’s been the best part about Island Yoga this year? What’s been your favorite part of the business?
DS: That’s a hard question. I haven’t been here a lot this year.
RB: This year, as compared to last year, when the building wasn’t standing?
[012:00] DS: No, well, since we got baby I wasn’t really … Like, I worked the three first months in my own office. Since then I haven’t sat in my office at all.
RB: Your office has become transformed to the community office now. That’s kind of sad. No, but I mean, overall, business-wise. What’s been the highlight for you?
DS: Finishing the teacher training. Seeing that we were able to put that together. Not the actual education, but the … everything around it. There goes so much into planning this and we have our COO Angela working super hard, day and night with her team to put this together. It came true! I don’t know if … it probably didn’t go smooth, but for me from the outside it looked smoother than some of the retreats we had this year.
RB: I think that teacher training was one of the smoothest things we had going for us, actually.
DS: Yeah, and it was almost for a whole month!
[013:00] RB: 23 days. But I think so much preparation went into it. We were really ready. That’s also the thing. And we had had already seven or eight groups here. The first two groups that we had at the studio this year, of course, we had like … it was messy. I don’t know if people noticed it was messy. I don’t think the groups knew, but behind the scenes it was messy.
DS: Yeah, like, restaurant-wise it was messy.
RB: Yes, food-wise.
DS: I think that’s the problem we had.
RB: But that’s the thing, the food … So, let’s talk about this restaurant, because I’m really trying to … I mean, it’s shifting now. Now outside, in the restaurant it’s pretty busy right now. Lots of people there. People stay after class and they drink smoothies and juices and have their coffee or stay for lunch. So, it’s definitely picking up, which is awesome. But the café, I mean the restaurant’s been the hardest thing, by far.
RB: And I think, um, I think that’s my fault?
DS: Um, why would you say that?
RB: Because when we were building the building, you didn’t want to have anything to do with food. I remember in the beginning you wanted to have, like, a fridge where we sold kombucha and coconut water and juice, and you just grabbed it from the fridge in the front.
DS: Yeah. And then we were going to get a coffee machine only.
[014:00] RB: (laugh) And then we started like that. “Let’s get an espresso machine so we can make really good organic coffee in the back.” And then we said, “Well, juices and smoothies, because we’re a yoga studio. Of course the people will want that.” And then we found out, well if you’re going to have juices and smoothies, you need a fridge to keep all the produce, so you might as well do salads, since you’re going to have all of that.
DS: You might as well do cold cut sandwiches.
RB: You might as well do like … You can just get a little panini grill, you can make paninis. And then we just kept adding and adding and adding. Then when we opened, I wanted to be open 6am for pre-practice coffee and smoothies.
DS: Until 10 pm.
RB: ‘Til 10pm for organic wine at the bar and dinner.
RB: What was I thinking?
RB: I had no clue. Like, I really did not-
DS: Running a restaurant, in general, I think anyone will tell you, it’s difficult. Running a vegetarian/vegan restaurant in Aruba, where nothing grows and no one knows what that means, it’s even harder, and it’s really expensive.
RB: I know! So we definitely scaled back. Now we’re open for breakfast and lunch, and when we have retreats we’re open, yeah. We’re open early, early morning to late night, but only during groups. But it is a thing, because the boutique in the front, like, that’s your experience. You’ve managed a surf shop, you had a skate shop, you know the retail and apparel, all that stuff.
RB: I know the yoga part. The studio runs super well, everything’s going well. But neither of us really has that running restaurant experience.
DS: No. And we keep hiring people that-
RB: That don’t.
DS: That don’t.
DS: They’re hard workers, but they just don’t have the experience.
RB: I know, I know, I know. And I think the mentality is also really different, because we’re running an international, like, a global business here, but hiring local staff. So, one of my most memorable moments from this year … actually, that was from the same person who quit in an outrage, who actually we’re still friends with, who still comes and hangs out sometimes. I don’t think you’ve seen him, but …
[016:00] Anyway, so it was after a retreat. It was a really intense retreat, and then we had a sharing circle afterwards, and we’re all kind of going through the highs and the lows and what we need to improve and how we feel. This guy, bless his heart, he was like, “You know, halfway through it got really hard.” He’s Aruban. “It got really hard, and I woke up in the morning and I thought, ‘You know what? I don’t think I’m going to keep going. I think I’m going to just not come to work for the rest of the week. But then I changed my mind and I said, ‘You know what? I’m going to go anyway.’ And I’m really happy that I did.”
I sat there in that circle, I’m like, “Oh my god, there was an actual option in his mind where he just wouldn’t show up for work for the rest of the year because he thought he had to work really hard,” you know? And that mentality, for me, doesn’t exist. Of course, you know, things get stressful sometimes. You do the work and you go home. But I think the Aruban mentality is more like-
DS: It’s an island mentality.
RB: Why would you … Island mentality … Like, why would I push myself if it’s hard?
DS: Yeah. Why do it today? Tomorrow, it’s even better to do it.
RB: Or the next day, or never.
DS: Yeah … It’ll happen!
RB: (laugh) It’ll happen. Yeah, kind of, yeah. This is your most Aruban quality.
DS: That’s who I am.
RB: That’s who you are, yes. The manana, like another day.
[017:00] DS: Manana, maybe.
RB: Manana maybe. Maybe next year. Yeah, I don’t know, I’m trying to really embrace … That’s the wrong word. I’m trying to accept your procrastinating side a little more. I’m having a very hard time with it.
RB: (laugh) What do you think is … This actually leads into a question that someone asked. What’s the most annoying traits that you guys have, like we have about each other? Like, if someone would ask me what annoys me the most about you? Procrastination is at the TOP of that list, like, by far.
DS: Oh, let me think about this because-
RB: (laugh) Because you have so many things?
DS: Yeah, there’s a few of them lingering up there. (laugh)
RB: (laugh) Really, what’s the most, out of all of them …
DS: Out of all. Ooo. If I had to choose a funny one, it would be your chewing.
RB: Dude! … Okay, you don’t listen to this podcast.
RB: No (laugh)
[018:00] RB: Right before he came on, he was like, “So, what did you talk about that week? I don’t listen to this stuff.” Olivia hosted last week and she asked that question. What do you think annoys … What’s your most annoying thing? And she said, “Me and Dennis would both go together and say it’s your chewing.
RB: Why is that so annoying… You mean like the chewing with the mouth open-
DS: Chewing with the mouth open and that noise that comes out of your mouth when your doing it.
RB: (laugh) What does it sound like?
DS: (makes smacking sound)
RB: (laughs hard) It doesn’t sound like that!
DS: Well, I don’t know, it’s between that and blender with a screwdriver in it.
RB: (laugh) Fork you! The thing is, you knew I was a loud chewer when we met.
DS: Yeah, but I was blind then!
RB: (laugh) You were blinded by romance? Blinded by what?
DS: Yeah, blinded by this Swedish young girl.
RB: And then we got married, and then …
DS: Then we got married, and our honeymoon, all of the sudden you started, like (makes smacking sound).
RB: (laughs hard) You remember that?
DS: Like, what the fuck did this get from?
RB: You remember that How I Met Your Mother episode?
[019:00] DS: Oh yeah.
RB: When they all find out each others’ annoying traits that if you never noticed before, you don’t know.
DS: You don’t know.
RB: And then Lilly, in that show, she chews loud.
DS: Yeah, and then it becomes like, they put the volume up.
RB: Yeah, you can’t not hear it again.
RB: Yeah. The thing is … yeah. I was going to say I’m going to try to work on my loud chewing, but I know I’m not going to work on it.
DS: You’re not going to work on it.
RB: And you’re not going to work on your procrastination.
DS: Well … no.
RB: (laugh) Maybe tomorrow you’ll work on it?
DS: Maybe tomorrow I’ll think about it. (laugh)
RB: (laugh) So, going back to kind of highlights of this year, I mean, this is one of the last … Is it the last podcast of the year?
RB: The second to last podcast of the year, of course.
RB: But I mean, some highlights … So yeah, for you, closing the Teacher Training was a big one.
RB: I think for me, yeah, I would probably say the same thing, actually. I mean, no, for me the opening was a really big highlight, because there were so many uncertainties. We didn’t know if we were going to open or not.
[020:00 ]RB: And then we have, and a big piece of that was both you and I had to let go, a lot. And that’s really hard. Like, I can’t really believe … I think that’s why we’re blown away.
DS: I think it’s harder for you than it is for me.
RB: The letting go?
DS: Yeah, I’m really good at letting go.
RB: Is that because you don’t hold on in the first place?
DS: Yeah. (laugh) But when I get back into it, it’s very hard accepting, like, the part of my work at Island Yoga a lot of the finances and a lot of the, yeah, the day to day. A lot of decisions get made that I never would have done. Then to accept that afterwards, I think that’s harder for me than to let go in the first place.
RB: Yeah. But I mean, that’s part of hiring, you know, having management work below you to help with the day-to-day stuff is that-
DS: Yeah, and maybe what they’re doing is better, but it’s just not stuff I would have done. I’m not saying it’s wrong or good, it’s just, it’s different.
RB: It’s different, I know. No, but I mean, yeah, I have that too. We have that all the time.
[021:09] RB: That’s been a learning for me since having the baby, because Luna was born in March, we opened in January, we’d been open for two months. All of our savings and more went into this building, and into this business. We opened, it was totally insane, totally crazy, and then we had to step away. So, for me, that letting go after a lot of holding on was a really hard thing. But it wasn’t until … at least that’s what I could see, that when I started letting go, other people on the team started stepping up.
RB: Which I think both you and I, like, we like to do things our way. I think when we release a little bit other people, they come up with their own ways of doing things, which maybe isn’t the same exact way we would have done it, but the studio is thriving. We’re doing really well, and it’s our first year of business.
RB: So, really grateful for everyone. Everyone working super hard. And even the hard stuff, like, what would be the … yeah, what’s your lowest point, or the hardest part about, business-wise, this year?
DS: I can’t answer now. I would have to do some research.
[022:00] RB: You would have to think about it more.
RB: Yeah, but for me, probably, I would say the challenges that we’ve had in the restaurant, for sure.
DS: Yeah. The restaurant is one thing. For me, it all comes down to, because I’m more behind the scenes, more of the what happens with the money. I think, for us, it’s like trying to invest all of our monies into Aruba to set-up an e-commerce on a island that doesn’t function, and now we’re finding we have to go way back with e-commerce into Europe or the States.
RB: But we knew that when we started. That’s the thing. So, yeah, for everybody listening, if you’re not aware, so, we live in Aruba. It’s a Caribbean island. It’s very slow, and everything is really behind here. So there’s no, uh, online shopping, for instance. You cannot go online on an Aruban website and buy things online. It doesn’t exist. So, for us, having a retreat center or a studio here-
DS: We can’t charge online.
RB: We can’t charge people online. So, can you imagine, if you want to book something at Island Yoga, you’re going to have someone write you and say, “Oh hi, yes, please send us a copy of your credit card, or fill in this form, or call us so you can read us …”
DS: Super sketchy, yeah.
RB: Super sketchy. But that’s how it was, like, ten years ago or whatever. That’s just the old school way. The hotels still do it that way here.
RB: Totally hard to understand. So, we’ve had a lot of challenges that way. Yeah, that’s super super hard.
But I guess, the learning, I guess what I wanted to get at is from the highlights and the challenges, the learnings of next year, what do you want to do different? How would you want to improve, in terms of business?
DS: I actually want to go to a place where there’s less emotions involved.
DS: More, like, white or black, not gray area.
RB: So you don’t want to start the Island Yoga TV show and have a reality show?
DS: Unless we do the reality show and the reality pays for their salaries or covers a lot of it?
DS: Then it’s totally worth it, but I would would want to see it though, to be honest.
[024:00] RB: I honestly think that would be such a fun show to watch. Yes.
DS: Because I’m sure we only know like 20% of what happens here.
RB: We don’t know, like, the drama that trickles our way is, like, minor I think, I think, for sure, for sure. Another point that I had … most of my really memorable moments from the year, in terms of staff, are all in the sharing circles. We do, to kind of vent or to get things off of our chests, we started that. And then it got so out of hand, where everyone was kind of saving all of their grievances about little stuff here and there, personal stuff, to kind of bring it into the circle, and it became too emotional. In the end I felt like I was kind of a … like we were running a kindergarten, kind of, and everyone was just kind of running to mom to tell all of the stuff that was going on, and he said she said. So, we decided to stop that. We started doing the dynamic meditations instead, which for anyone listening, it’s an active meditation. It’s originated or founded by Osho, and it’s all about physically moving your body and releasing emotions.
So, without talking about it, without getting into the details of the drama, just owning your emotions. So, if you’re angry, it’s your anger. If you’re feeling frustrated or sad, it’s yours instead of, you know, bouncing it on other people that you work with. And that’s worked super well, actually. I guess it’s different. I guess a normal workplace they wouldn’t take … they wouldn’t feel so responsible about the emotional well-being of everybody that works on the ..
DS: Yeah depending … not in Aruba, that’s for sure. Depending where-
RB: Depending on where you are.
DS: Like, I feel in California or New York you hear more and more that businesses are really investing in these things as well. Like they would hire a yoga teacher to go there.
RB: Yeah, but I mean it’s important that everyone … Yeah, of course. We have all the yoga teachers here. And that’s the thing, everyone has free yoga, as much access to as much yoga and meditation that they want, we live in paradise, like, we have a really nice setup going here. Everyone’s paid well. We have a good thing. But I think because we invite this opening, this emotional opening, we probably have more drama than other places. But, I kind of love it.
[026:00] DS: Yeah, you’re dramatic.
RB: I’m dramatic, but it also means that shit’s getting… Shit’s coming out in the open, you know? We get to deal with our stuff, which is good. I know it’s not your favorite thing to do is to deal with emotions-
RB: Especially emotions coming from women. (laugh)
DS: Just emotions in general.
RB: Just emotions in general.
DS: Gender neutral emotions.
RB: Gender neutral emotions (laugh).
RB: Okay, so we’re going to lead into some questions that people have asked. We got soooooooooo many questions, it’s totally crazy!
DS: Yeah, let’s do the questions.
RB: We had a staycation yesterday.
DS: Yes. 16 hours.
RB: (laugh) It was supposed to be 24 hours of staycation, but we got, like … No, I think 18. 16, 18, I don’t know.
DS: We got … No. Well, we have to check on-
RB: It was your early Christmas gift.
RB: And he was also, like, you’re very awkward around receiving gifts.
DS: Well, receiving surprise gifts I …
DS: Not like I hate …
RB: What? What have you ever had? Like a bad experience with getting surprised?
DS: I never had a bad experience … Oh, except for the goat! That was a pretty big surprise.
RB: Can you tell the story about the goat?
DS: I got a goat.
RB: (laugh) For Christmas.
DS: For Christmas.
RB: And it’s not what you wanted.
DS: I got a goat that was crying for mama goat on Christmas.
RB: She didn’t have a mama. An orphan!
DS: She didn’t have a mama goat but she was crying, yeah.
RB: She was crying for you, for daddy.
DS: She was not crying for me.
RB: But you started crying.
DS: Yeah, because you fucking snatched a goat off the street!
RB: Penny the Goat. Penny, she’s still my favorite. I don’t know, I mean I love Lucy too, but Penny, she’s so cuddly.
DS: Yeah, Penny is the best. She’s like a dog.
RB: She is like a dog. Totally. Yeah, if it wasn’t for the baby we would have her in the house, I think, a lot still. But I mean, the staycation that we had, it was our first time ever having a break, like, I don’t want to say a break from the baby, like it’s a job, but having a baby is kind of a 24-hour thing. Was it everything you dreamed of?
DS: It was nice. I liked it. … We were supposed to have sunset by the bar, but then you were, like, freaking out about baby having mosquito bites.
RB: But it wasn’t, like, two mosquito bites.
DS: No. But, so, we ended up going to the pharmacy for sunset.
RB: (laugh) Very romantic.
[030:00] DS: Buying antihistamine and then bringing that there, and then we got back in time just for dinner and a drink?
RB: Just for dinner and a drink. But it wasn’t, I mean, okay, so she had like 50 mosquito bites. There were so many. Her feet started swelling up.
DS: She just has chunky feet. They didn’t swell up.
RB: They were swollen!
DS: They’re always like that!
DS: They don’t fit in any shoes.
RB: That’s because she’s a baby. That’s because the shoes are too small.
DS: Yeah. Exactly!
RB: No, but they were swelling.
RB: Okay, that’s a question that we got. Someone was asking Dennis how do you handle Rachel’s panicky mom attacks?
DS: I don’t. I walk away.
DS: I just go in the background and let her have her moment of panic attack, and then when she tells me what to do, I’ll jump back in.
RB: You’re good at giving space.
RB: Yeah. That’s the thing, when I’m having a really panicky moment, no one can really help me, you know? If someone tries to step in and manage, then I freak out more.
RB: Yeah, so I think it’s good that you let me have my moment, and then it always passes.
DS: But then you scream at me for not being there, but if I’m there, you’re going to scream at me for being there.
RB: I will scream-
DS: Sorry, yeah.
RB: But it depends. It depends on what’s going on. We’ve had, I don’t know, the thing that annoys me, the thing that’s that I wish I had is that you have this very casual, like, you don’t … Do you ever worry that something’s going to happen to her?
RB: No! Why?
DS: But if something happens to her, then it’s my fault though. Because I never worry.
RB: What do you mean? But do you think the worry helps?
DS: I honestly think I can’t… It is what it is and I can’t do anything about it.
RB: No, but I mean I don’t think that the worrying helps. It’s not like the worrying keeps her safe-
RB: because I worry about everything, all the time.
DS: Yeah, no I don’t think it keeps her safe either.
RB: No, so I mean maybe your way is the better way.
DS: Watch, she’ll probably get a broken leg or a broken arm on my watch one day.
RB: Yeah, if that happens, dude, dude…
DS: Probably not on your watch. It’s going to happen, it happened to me like when I was young, so many times.
[032:00] RB: That’s never going to happen. (laugh) So? That’s not going to happen. She’s not going to break any bones, she’s not going to have anything … I don’t know, when I get pissed, usually when I yell at you, it’s if there’s like something majorly, that I feel really is happening with her. Like, okay, so the first time she slept through the night, which is, like, an AMAZING thing for us. Super amazing. We had been longing for this the whole time. But she didn’t move! The whole night. She just laid there like a dead person, and I started freaking out because I wanted to make sure that she’s breathing. I couldn’t see her chest rising, and you’re just like sleeping, the whole night. You’re like, “Oh, this is so awesome!”
RB: Then I feel really alone, like, I need you to wake up and engage in my madness with me. But you don’t.
DS: Yeah. Sorry.
RB: (laugh) I can hear it now as I speak it how insane it is. But I don’t know if this is a dad and a mom thing, I don’t know if it’s like a-
DS: Maybe. No, but I think you have the need to control. Like, not in a bad way or a good way, it’s just that’s who you are. You just need to be in control of everything.
RB: Yeah, but especially her health, like, that’s something that’s just terrifying me a lot.
DS: Yeah. Well if she has my genes, I think we’re good.
RB: What do you mean?
DS: She won’t be allergic, she won’t have-
RB: We already know she’s allergic ya doofus.
DS: She’s not! All of her-
RB: She had an allergic reaction from the mosquito bites!
DS: That’s normal mosquito bites. She’s pale as fuck! Of course you’re going to see her red bumps.
RB: We were joking the other day that Luna is so white that if you leave her on the beach you can’t see her anymore, because she just blends in with the white sand. Yeah, I don’t know, yeah. I think, I think, I think … I don’t know, I think you do a good job. I wish I had more of that. I don’t think you’re careless, I just thing you’re very, very relaxed.
DS: I think I’m careless.
RB: Yeah? You’re not supposed to say that. You’re making me worried right now.
DS: Oh I’m sorry, I’m very relaxed.
RB: No. No. Dude. Dude. Okay, we need to move on from this topic before I get upset!
[034:00] RB: Okay, another question that came in a lot, so what annoys us the most about each other? We did that. What do we love most about each other? Let’s get back to a good note.
DS: Can I be sexual? Or…
DS: Or it has to be, like, emotional? But emotional is pretty sexual too.
RB: I think if someone asks you … Dude! If someone asks you what do you love most about your wife? What do you say?
DS: Her ass!
RB: We’re going to have to edit this out. Stop, stop, stop.
RB: Can you just come up with a normal answer?
DS: (laugh) Okay, let me think.
RB: (laugh) You’re killing me, man, you’re killing me. This is why, okay, we had a lot of requests for Patrick and Olivia and you and me to do a podcast together. If we did that, this is all what that podcast would be.
DS: I don’t think that podcast would ever come out.
RB: It would never see the light of day.
DS: No, Patrick is too inappropriate.
RB: Okay, can you just answer the question now?
DS: For me, I love how well we connect even though we’re different on so many levels, but we’re the same, also, on so many levels that it’s just easy. It’s kind of harder sometimes to be apart than it is to be together. I never have that feeling that I have to be away from you.
DS: I don’t know how to put that into words, but that’s basically, yeah, it’s just easy, the way we connect.
RB: That’s a nice answer. I know, people ask that a lot, if we get sick of each other, because we do everything together.
RB: I guess normal couples would be away in the day, because you work in different places. But we’re not.
DS: Yeah. Yeah, I kind of wish we were more together, to be honest. But not in a corny way. It’s just, like, when we had the staycation, it kind of reminded me how we used to be before the kid.
RB: The kid!
DS: The baby. Before, like, I would take pictures of you, and it reminded me kind of how we traveled the world for the first four years of us being together.
RB: It was like a little … So, Dennis took really nice photos of me over the weekend. You picked up the camera again for the first time in like two years.
DS: Yeah. I want some new lenses, so I have to prove to you that I still take pictures.
RB: (laugh) But I mean, it did, it did. Because, yeah, our first years together, all we did was travel. We went to different countries all over the world, and we’d take pretty pictures for social media, and teach yoga together. I miss that part. I miss, like, teaching together. I miss leading retreats with you.
RB: Do you miss that?
DS: I don’t miss teaching.
RB: I know. Everyone misses your teaching but you, Dennis.
DS: To be honest. I don’t miss teaching, at all. Yeah. I miss organizing retreats. Now we have a big team, they do everything. Before it was just you and me, and Amelie. But I do miss that part, that I got to connect with the hotels or I had to do, like, all the legwork. Then when you see a retreat come to life, you kind of know that you did this, from A to Z.
RB: Yeah, how everyone enjoys it. That’s a nice feeling.
DS: Yeah. That feeling I miss. But it’s now so much easier. We just show up, blow up, and go.
RB: Show up, blow up, and go home. I’m going to answer the question too. So, what do I love most about you? Should I answer, like, in a sexual way? Should I talk about your body now?
DS: Yeah, please.
RB: My favorite part of your body is your butt, too. So, I guess we have that in common too.
[038:00] RB: Okay, we have to do so much editing today. My favorite thing about you … I mean, actually, it is your ability to stay really … like, your groundedness and your humbleness. It’s really refreshing, always, all the time. I don’t know, you keep me really grounded and calm, and I know, no matter how much I’m panicking about something, because I have that tendency to go into anxiety or panic or drama, you’re that calm buoy of comfort that I can come home to. My little buoy love. My boo.
RB: Boo-y. Another thing that has come in a lot … I mean, okay, I think because of how we introduced this, when we were driving home from staycation yesterday, I shared on my Instagram story, like, “We’re going to do a podcast,” and you just kind of smiled awkwardly into the camera, like you didn’t want to do the podcast. But I kind of knew you wanted to do the podcast, and now we’re doing the podcast. But people were asking, like, “Why are you forcing Dennis to do this?” People are wondering if you’re a more private person than I am, and how it feels, I guess. How you manage, that kind of stuff.
DS: Well, I think 99.9% of this world is more private than you are.
RB: That’s probably correct.
DS: Um, yeah, I’m definitely more of a private person. Yeah. But I don’t mind it. I don’t mind when you share things about us, at all. I just don’t share things about us, I guess.
RB: You don’t share things about anything.
DS: I don’t share.
RB: You’re not a sharer. Yeah. How many sharing circles at the studio have you ever joined?
DS: At the studio.
DS: I think two.
RB: (laugh) We do them every week.
RB: See. So, the funniest question, now, someone was sending right before we started recording, “I just want to give Dennis a high five and a hug for putting up with you.” (laugh) I thought that was so funny. I mean, it’s not like you put up with me. Do you feel that way? Like you have to put up with all this stuff?
DS: Sometimes, not all the time. Depending on what it is. The podcast is not really putting up.
[040:00] RB: Here’s another question that just came in. Dennis, what drives you most crazy about your wife?
DS: We just answered that.
RB: Does that count? That’s the chewing.
DS: Chewing. I can add another one if you want.
RB: (laugh) Dennis, I … Yeah, tell me another thing.
DS: When we go to sleep, if Lea Luna is in the same room as we are, like, I’m not allowed to do anything. If I just think that I want to turn in the bed, immediately I have two claws in my back, and then a wife going like, “[hiss]!”
RB: Because you wake her up! All the time! Dude, we have to move her out of the bedroom. There’s no other option. That’s the thing: You don’t know how loud you are in the night.
DS: Well when I was alone with her, I was as loud.
RB: You’re like a two … how much do you weigh in pounds?
RB: You’re like a hundred-something kilo man, you’re like 6’4”.
DS: 230 pounds, I think.
RB: 230 pounds, 6’4”, ginormous man, who sweats and moves and throws your giant legs and arms around at night. And when you yawn, you sound like this, “[loud sound]”. You always find the moments to make the most noise right as she’s about to almost wake up. Then I have to put, like, a little claw in your arms, like, “Stop! Stop moving! Can you just fucking be still?” You have no clue. No clue.
DS: Well, she sleeps fine with me when I’m alone.
RB: That’s because you don’t wake up when she wakes up. You only wake up when she cries and screams.
RB: Yeah. That’s the thing, like, “Sleep like a dad.” Someone just told me that, like, why do you think men age better than women? Because men sleep more. Of course.
DS: Your mom fully disagreed with that though.
RB: Well, my mom disagreed that men aged better than women. But then we had to Google it, and it’s like scientifically proven that, I mean skin-wise, like wrinkles and stuff like that, women age faster than men. It has to do with hormones, something about estrogen, and something … I don’t know. But it was also sleep-related.
DS: But a woman’s body, or a woman in general, is more beautiful than a man.
RB: That’s because you are a man.
DS: Men in general, on average-
[042:00] RB: But I mean, you think that because you’re a man.
DS: No, but women think that about women too. When you see a naked man, it’s just like … It’s like goo.
RB: You mean like there’s stuff hanging around and …
DS: Yeah. And when it’s a woman, it’s like a taken care of body. Or I don’t know, like, I guess I don’t take care of my body so well.
RB: But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Most women out there probably thing that men, naked men, can be the most beautiful thing ever. A naked body, I think, is really beautiful.
DS: Yeah. I don’t know, I think maybe I’m talking stupidly now, but I think if you just put an average five ladies and an average five men, I’m pretty sure that a woman’s body is prettier than a man’s body.
RB: Hmm. Someone is asking who do you think caries most of the emotional labor in the relationship?
DS: That is such a hard question.
RB: Wow. Who carries the emotional labor? I mean, it’s not you …
DS: Who else is there?
RB: Who else is there? Maybe it’s Luny’s now. Yeah, clearly. But, I mean, I don’t know, if it wasn’t for me, we would never talk about our issues. Of course we have issues, we’re a normal couple, we have normal shit. If it wasn’t me, we would never talk about the problems.
RB: But do you think it helps when we talk about things?
DS: I don’t know.
RB: Stop! That’s such an easy question. Of course it’s a yes!
RB: Because we work things out. If we have a disagreement about something that we can’t get over, we can’t just pretend it’s not there and move on and have that linger forever, like we’d talk about it.
DS: No, but we wouldn’t know what it is about.
RB: Yeah, but it wouldn’t be, like, done with.
DS: I don’t know.
RB: This is also, I don’t know if this is a male/female type thing, but every time we talk something through, even though you do it very reluctantly, like, we move on, and then we’re all good.
[044:00] DS: But I was good before the conversation even started.
RB: Yeah, but I was not!
DS: Well, then, there you go.
RB: Yeah, this is also, can we go back to the question of what annoys? (laugh) Annoys me? Because this is also one of those things. I don’t know. Okay. Part of it is … that’s the difference. So you can be like this relaxed, carefree person, and then you can venture into the area of, like, not giving a flying fuck.
RB: Yeah. That’s annoying. You have to, like, stay within the zone of just being relaxed and cool.
DS: There’s a very thin line between no fucks are given and relaxed and cool.
RB: Yes. But when you are, like, no fucks given, and we’re in a fight, then I go insane.
DS: Well what if I’m really, really relaxed?
DS: In a fight?
RB: You’re not really relaxed in a fight. You’re just, like, you choose not to give a shit, and then I give more shits.
DS: Because I’m just too relaxed.
DS: I’m too zen’d out, owning a yoga studio.
RB: Yeah. But we don’t fight, I mean we have a fight … How often do we fight?
DS: I don’t know. Once every five minutes or so.
RB: (laugh) Dude you’re making this impossible! Like, a real fight. Not a fight where we laugh at each other about something. We do that a lot. Yeah, we have like tiny disagreements and then we laugh, every day. But, like, a fight.
DS: Yeah, I don’t know.
RB: Like, a couple of times a year we have like a fight fight.
RB: We’ve had two fights this year. We’re not going to go into them, because I know you don’t want to do that, but we had an Ironman fight, and we had an L.A. fight.
DS: Uh, correct.
RB: Two. Two in twelve months.
DS: Nah, I don’t think it’s two. I think there’s probably more, but two that is still lingering for you.
RB: No, two that we can just remember as, like, major fights.
RB: Yeah. That’s not bad! Once every six months. We can keep that going for the rest of our lives.
RB: Okay, that’s good. How many more kids do we want?
DS: Um (exhale) minus one?
[046:00] RB: (laugh)
DS: That’s not a good answer?
RB: (laugh) Oh my god! No! That’s a great answer. Okay (clears throat) but you just had minus one for 16 hours, you had a break.
DS: Oh yeah, that’s true. No, I always wanted two, you always wanted five.
RB: (laugh) Yeah, I’m back to one. One’s pretty good.
DS: I always wanted a girl first, and then a boy second. That theory mostly being, growing up here, if you had the boy first, then the girl, the girl would date the boy’s friends, and then it would be impossible for the boy to go to school, and all of that shit.
RB: But you never had that happen. You have a younger sister.
DS: Yeah, but my sister is ten years younger than me. I feel more like an uncle to her than a brother.
RB: There’s too much space.
RB: I think one child is pretty good.
RB: Snip snip?
DS: You mean, are you going to snip your tubes?
RB: (laugh) That’s not how it goes. You don’t snip tubes.
RB: No. Snip snip is like the vasectomy sound. That’s the sound that it makes when you-
DS: What about when the girl does it?
RB: I think you tie the tubes. But that’s, like, a major, invasive surgery.
DS: Yeah. (exhale) that’s something I’m willing to live with.
RB: (laugh) No, no, just joking. I don’t know, maybe one more.
RB: Maybe one more. Maybe in a couple years. Maybe when things are, like-
DS: But if it’s not a boy we just drop it off at the fire station and try again.
RB: Okay, moving on! (laugh) We’re moving on now. (laugh) Um, what is the hardest part about being a dad?
DS: I think being a dad is really easy, actually.
RB: Yes! I don’t know why you’re complaining!
DS: I wasn’t complaining!
RB: Yes, you complained. You just said, “minus one.”
DS: Oh, yeah, but it’s …
RB: Yeah, but is there anything hard about it? Like, she’s so easy.
DS: Being a dad? No. Being a person that wants to do its own things, like, then, like, if I want to go surf on a whim, or I want to go see my friend on a whim, I can’t do that. That’s, I guess, the only hard part. But being a dad, like, actual raising another person, so far, it’s pretty chill.
RB: I mean, I don’t know if we’re super lucky and she’s just the chilliest-
DS: Dealing with the mom is the problem.
RB: Shut your forking mouth! But maybe she’s just the easiest baby? Like, or maybe this is what it is. I don’t know. We’re in a really good space now, like, the last couple of months-
DS: Yeah, last few months, yeah.
RB: … have been… Yeah, since she started sleeping. Clearly. I mean she started sleeping at six months.
DS: Since she has routine it’s been really … easy.
RB: Yeah, yeah. Four to six months were kind of shit, because she didn’t sleep from four and a half to six, but then we sleep-trained.
DS: That’s also because I’m not working. I forgot to mention that. If I were to be working it’s probably hard as fuck.
RB: Yeah, but I mean, we decided it’s really hard to … You can’t take care of the baby and also work.
DS: Well, that’s what everyone does.
RB: No, but I mean, not at the same time! So we would have the baby at the studio and everyone would try to every time some work done, but, like, no one would really do anything. So we have to separate. So whoever works works, the one who is [inaudible] is present with the baby.
DS: But, I mean, a normal family would bring the baby to a kind of school, or something, to take care of.
RB: Yeah, you would go to daycare or something. But, we don’t have to do that now. But, I mean, she’s still young! She’s only nine months! But she’s, like … What’s the best thing about being a dad then?
DS: The best thing?
DS: I don’t know. There’s so much. I really like hanging out with her. It’s really cool to see the things she, like, she’s learning stuff every single day. It’s really cool to see how that develops, how she develops.
RB: Do you ever get bored with her?
DS: Nah, not really.
RB: Me neither! I keep, I don’t know, maybe that will come.
DS: Not yet. No.
RB: I’m really content reading the same books every day.
RB: Playing in her room and, you know, walking around with her, crawling with her. Like, it’s just-
[050:00] DS: I know, and it’s always so nice. I always, like, ignore her when we’re in her room, I’m just on my phone doing stuff, and then she plays. It’s so easy.
RB: (laugh) Okay, stop trying to push my buttons. Actually, I’m really grateful that you’re not that type of dad. I mean, I don’t know. Okay, fuck, I don’t know what goes on at the house when I’m working.
DS: (laugh) You don’t even know what type of dad I am!
RB: I don’t even know what type of dad you are. (laugh)
DS: She’s still alive though. You have to give me that.
RB: She’s still alive, so that’s really good. No, but I’m really glad that you are, like, really present with her, and really there all the time. My hardest thing for me is, for sure, the fear that something is going to happen to her. That’s the one thing that I just can’t … And it’s not getting easier. It’s not getting more relaxed or more chill. I would think, like, in the beginning, because of course you have like sudden … infant death. They just die for no reason, or like before she could turn her head, what if she would get stuck halfway and she couldn’t breathe. I felt like there was more … for sure more ways that she could have just died.
RB: But now there’s other things. Today she climbed up on the stove! (laugh)
RB: Like, she grabbed the highest, highest railing of the stove with both hands, pulled herself up, and then put her feet up on the lower edge. So she was, like, climbing fully. No feet on the ground, trying to get up on the stove. And I couldn’t believe it! So now there’s other dangers. Now there’s other things that I worry about. She’s so fast now. You look away for one second, she’s gone.
RB: So yeah, it doesn’t get easier. I wish someone-
DS: If she knows what she wants, like, she’s pretty persistent.
DS: If it’s a toy, or if it’s going somewhere.
RB: No, she knows wants, yeah. She’s a really determined little being.
RB: But yeah, the love is so intense. Yeah, that’s the hardest part. My favorite part is everything else. Everything other than the gripping, overwhelming fear that something is going to happen to her. Everything else is super awesome. Little Luny Tuny!
[053:04] RB: Another thing that has come in a lot, and this, I think, is interesting, because I like to have this conversation with you, is about food.
DS: Oh yeah, food, I saw that question too.
RB: Yeah, a lot of people are asking. So, I am back to being vegan.
DS: And in that question they called me a carnivore.
RB: (laugh) People were like … the question was, “How do you deal with the balance of you being vegan and Dennis being a carnivore?
DS: That’s (exhale) …
RB: You didn’t like that term?
DS: Label me like that? Jesus!
RB: (laugh) How would you like to be labeled?
DS: Relax, woman. Pescatore!
RB: (laugh) I think that means fisherman.
DS: Someone that eats fish a lot.
RB: Pescetarian is the word you’re looking for.
DS: No, no no. A pescetarian is someone that only eats fish and vegetables. A carnivore doesn’t mean that they only eat meat. They eat everything, but they’re really obsessed with meat.
[054:00] RB: No, a carnivore is someone who eats meat.
DS: Only meat. No other thing. Exactly.
RB: No, no no. No! What do you mean? A carnivore is someone who eats meat. Doesn’t exclude other things.
DS: Yeah, exactly.
RB: Doesn’t exclude other things.
DS: But also…
RB: You are a carnivore, because you eat meat. But you also eat fish, you also eat sometimes a vegetable here and there. But you’re still a carnivore.
DS: When I’m a pescatore-
RB: (laugh) Pescetarian!
DS: Pescatore, not –tarian. Pescetarian is like a vegetarian, you know? It’s like you’re a vegetarian, but you also eat fish. A pescatore – patent pending – is someone that is obsessed with fish, but also eats a little meat here and there, and also eats vegetables here and there.
RB: Oh! So that’s your own label? You’re a pescatore.
RB: So you eat a little bit of meat, mostly fish, sometimes a vegetable.
DS: Obsessed with fish, yeah.
RB: Obsessed with fish, sometimes a vegetable, and a little bit of meat.
DS: Sometimes garnish on it, yeah.
RB: A little garnish, like a little parsley or something. That’s the vegetable.
DS: Exactly. That’s a salad.
RB: (laugh) That’s a salad. Okay. As someone who cooks and orders most of the food that you eat, I’m going to go ahead and say that that definition of pescatore does not apply to you.
DS: You want to get into this? You want me to get my …
DS: Just because I have a little salami on my pizza…
RB: You eat so much meat!
DS: And just because I have a little ribs here and there… and a little wings.
RB: You eat so much meat, and then you pretend like you don’t eat so much meat, like it’s not a big thing and like you forget all of the … You eat meat everyday.
DS: I get a really … how do you say … disgusted when people around me eat meat. You know? It’s like, “What the fuck?” And then I go, I had to order my 12-piece chicken wings.
RB: (laugh) But seriously! Okay, I mean everyone listening, you can tell that I am not … I don’t get upset when you eat meat. I don’t care, this is who you are.
DS: You do care.
RB: I don’t care.
DS: You give me so much shit.
RB: I would prefer it if you were vegetarian, of course. But we don’t … It’s not like there’s an aggression between us.
[056:00] DS: There’s a passive aggression.
RB: A passive aggression! You think so?
DS: Two out of three times you give me shit. Three out of three times … a third out of three times you would order it yourself for me. Like, when you’re tired, and you’re like, “Aw, fuck, I don’t know what to eat,” then you’re ordering a pizza for me, you’ll just order the one I usually get.
RB: The one you want.
DS: The one I want, yeah.
RB: Yes. But that’s the thing … But I mean, we don’t fight about our food choices. It’s not like it’s a tension in our family.
RB: But whenever you’re ordering, I try to quietly nudge you towards-
DS: Passive aggressively put a claw in my neck.
RB: …eating more vegetables and less animal proteins.
DS: Yeah. And the funny part is all my friends that were a lot into meat, they’re all vegetarians now. I’m the only one eating meat.
RB: I know. What the hell has happened with you?
DS: I don’t know. And it used to be reversed! I was the only one that used to be, like, vegetarian in our group.
DS: And all of them were like making fun of me.
RB: So when we met I was super vegan, like, really really really vegan. And then, I think for the first year of our relationship, you were basically vegan but sometimes you would have some meat on top of whatever I was cooking at home.
DS: Fish mostly, not even meat.
RB: But I mean once in a while. You wouldn’t say, like, you were vegan. We didn’t eat dairy, no cheese. You would eat so much vegetarian food, a little bit of shrimp or a little piece of fish or something here and there. Then it was like the pendulum swung the other way, and you went from … And you lost a lot of weight! You were like super healthy and all of that stuff, and then you went allllll the way to the other extreme and you started ordering, like, pork chop chiquito and gross, like, from the Chinese restaurant, like the really gross fried meat with all of the additives.
DS: Sentimental food!
RB: Sentimental food. Why is it sentimental?
DS: Because that’s what I ate growing up. Shit is like three bucks.
RB: Yeah but … but it’s like, you cut through the meat and you don’t know what’s in there. That’s the thing.
DS: I know what’s in there.
RB: You order meat that comes, like, in a paper bag.
DS: Yeah. Whoa. (laugh) I can’t have one of those now, actually.
RB: You don’t know what’s in there, you don’t know where that meat is from, you don’t know how-
[058:00] DS: I know what’s in there. You want to know what’s in there?
RB: Yeah, what’s in there?
DS: Fucking deliciousness, that’s what’s in there.
RB: (laugh) You don’t know! This is the thing!
DS: And grease.
RB: And grease, and like heart attacks and cancer and strokes and, like, the thing is, yeah-
DS: I’m getting hungry.
RB: You’re getting hungry. Luna is vegan.
RB: She’s going to be vegan until, if she ever gets to the point in her life where she wants to-
DS: Decide on her own.
RB: … decide on her own that she doesn’t want to be, yeah, that’s up to her. But for now, like, I would never feed her animal products. And I was eating cheese and ice cream. That was the dairy that I used to have. And now I’m back to being vegan.
DS: You would eat some of our fish.
RB: Oh some of our fish sometimes if it was caught by you, yeah.
RB: But now I’m back to fully vegan. But it’s also because I’ve anchored back into the emotional connection with animals. So not just about health or environment, all of that stuff, but you love animals so much! You’re the biggest animal lover that I know.
DS: I’m addicted! I can’t do anything about it. It’s too late for me.
RB: But you love animals!
DS: Yeah, I love animals.
RB: You love all animals!
RB: There’s not an animal that you’ve ever met that you didn’t want to spoon.
DS: Well, I … a porcupine.
RB: Or hug. (laugh)
DS: Like, what’s those … A blowfish I guess? Those have needles. An urchin I didn’t want to spoon.
RB: You tried to hug a seal when-
DS: Yeah, that seal almost bit me through.
RB: (laugh) You were in Galapagos.
DS: Don’t say that! I’m not allowed to touch them.
RB: You’re not allowed to touch them. Dennis kept … the whole trip during his trip to the Galapagos kept trying to hug the seals. And then he went for the hug and the seal got really pissed at him.
DS: I went for the pet. I wanted to pet the seal to see what they feel like, and to see if they’re actually … because you see them, they’re all trying to itch, like, a scratch behind their neck, and I know know I can do a way better job than their stupid little thin skin do-
RB: To scratch the itch.
DS: To scratch them and make them feel good. But that guy was so upset with me. That seal.
[060:00] RB: Yeah, there’s a reason you’re not supposed to pet the seals in the nature reserves. But that’s the thing, so I have this knowing that I know, and this is why I give you shit, because you sometimes say, like, you should be able to kill the meat that you eat. You are under that belief?
DS: Yeah. I am still under that belief.
RB: And I know for a fact, for a fact, you would not be able to kill an animal. I know it. I know it!
DS: I disagree. At this point in my life, I disagree.
RB: Okay, if you, me, and Luna were alone on earth after an atomic bomb-
DS: I will be harmed for the rest of my life though.
RB: … and we were going to die if we didn’t have meat.
RB: You would, then, yeah, I’m sure.
DS: But then there would be all this …
RB: But in your regular day-to-day life, you could never kill an animal.
DS: If I had to kill-
RB: No, no, just in your regular, day-to-day life.
DS: Regular day-to-day, no. But I feel-
RB: But you do. Every time you eat meat on your plate, you are …
DS: I think everyone that eats meat should be able to kill their meat.
RB: But you can’t.
DS: I think I can.
RB: You can’t!
DS: I think I’m going to be, like, for the rest of my life, I’m going to be, like, super traumatized by it, but I think I can.
RB: So, every time you put meat on your plate, you would kill that animal yourself? It’s not, like, one time prove that you can-
DS: No no no no no, I need to just one time prove it. Come on, lady.
RB: (laugh) This is the thing … So you’re not really living in accordance with your own values and beliefs.
DS: I kill fish!
RB: Yeah, but we’re talking about meat now.
DS: No no no no no no no no no. Kill what you eat.
RB: Yes, but you wanted to be a pescatore, or whatever. What was the word? A Pescator. Okay, your own label of what you eat, would you say is mostly fish and a little bit of meat, but right now your diet is mostly meat, sometimes a little bit of fish, and whatever vegetables I put on your plate.
DS: Not these days. These days, fishing season has been on, I haven’t gone fishing, but our friends and my old boss, we’ve been getting so many wahoo, so many tunas fresh, every day. You see us eating the tuna burgers.
RB: I see you eating the tuna burgers, but you still eat the really shitty meat. Like, you had chicken wings the other day!
DS: Not in two weeks, at least.
RB: You had prosciutto things on your pizza.
DS: 10 days.
RB: (laugh) You had meat from the bag.
DS: I haven’t had meat from the bag in a really long time!
RB: Okay, stop, meat from the bag. Just the fact that that’s a thing, meat from the bag-
DS: Why would you bring that up? I kind of want it now?
RB: No, but I think, I think, I think it would be nice … I don’t know. I’m worried that you’re going to need, like, a health scare to start transitioning away from meat. And I’m kind of feeling like the more I talk about it, the more meat you want to eat.
RB: Is that true? Should I just be quiet?
DS: You should just be quiet.
RB: Okay. Everyone listening, can they talk about it?
RB: To you?
DS: But I honestly don’t want all of these vegan activists fucking on my …
RB: Fucking you, fucking up your meals.
DS: Fucking up my meals for me.
RB: (laugh) Well, I mean, maybe the seed has been sown. Do you think so?
DS: I think, uh, I probably live in patterns that I’m going to be in some years again vegetarian for a few years, and then I’m going to go and do the complete opposite again, unless I have a heart attack, which I hope I don’t have.
RB: Yeah, but you don’t know. That’s the thing. What if you knew, so with your Ironman and all your training and all that stuff, that you would be much faster and perform much better without the meat?
DS: I would need to have to start … Um, how do you say … training, or practicing in a certain amount first before I get to where the difference starts happening.
RB: What does that mean?
DS: Like, I have to actually train more. So, before, like, with any sports, you can reach a level, your top level, quote by quote, and when you reach your top level, then it becomes to, like, how do you fine tune it with meals and all of that stuff. I think as a hobby, or someone that just do it here and there, you won’t see the difference unless you actually train.
RB: Yeah. I think you would see a difference really fast.
DS: Maybe in my pant sizes. For me life is very simple. You can have the good life, i.e. the belly, and still do an Ironman.
RB: (laugh) You can have the belly, the beer gut.
DS: The good life.
RB: The good life.
[064:00] RB: And still perform.
RB: Yeah, I mean you’re the living example.
DS: I’m the biggest from the group.
RB: You’re the biggest in the group, you perform really well. That’s the thing … Also, if you started thinking about what you ate, I think you would kind of accelerate like crazy, and go.
DS: But I don’t want to … That’s the problem I have. I don’t want to think-
RB: So, before an Ironman, everyone else is like-
DS: I don’t want to think of what I eat.
RB: No, but everyone else is, like, on their diet, and they’re doing this stuff to perform and carbo loading this stuff, and you’re like sitting at home drinking beer.
DS: And having sushi.
RB: Having sushi before, like, these giant races. To me … And I love that about you, because it’s just, you know, you don’t take yourself too seriously, and that’s good. But I also really want you to live a long time.
RB: Maybe a little less meat?
DS: I’ll ask for ten pieces of wings tonight instead of 12. Compromise.
RB: Okay, moving on from the meat question. I’m going to take one final question, and this was such a beautiful question, and I’m really interested in hearing how you’re going to answer it. Someone is asking Dennis, not me, but Dennis, how will I find my way in life? So-
RB: What advice do you have for someone who’s looking for their purpose or to find their way?
DS: There is so many, um, apps these days.
DS: Like, there’s Google Maps, and you put your destination in it, and you’ll find it! Sometimes you can even ask Siri … Where’s my Siri?
DS: Where’s my phone? Oh here, let’s see if this works. Hey Siri?
DS: How will I find my way in life?
Siri: Um, I’m not finding anything for “my way in life.”
DS: There you go. There’s your answer. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
RB: (laugh) Siri, can’t find her way in life.
DS: If Siri can’t find her way in life, I don’t think you can, um, Miss. Sir.
RB: Miss, Sir (laugh). You’re, like, the anti-inspiration.
DS: You should follow me on Instagram.
DS: I can help you to all-
RB: Dennis, how can I find my way in life? Siri can’t even find her way, neither are you! (laugh)
DS: You’re fucked!
RB: Ohhhhh god. But … Okay. Does this mean you want the podcast to end now?
DS: Well, on a positive note like this, with this very inspirational-
RB: On a serious note, okay, on a serious note. You live … a really good life.
RB: Like, objectively. You have a big house.
DS: Yeah. Correct.
RB: You just built a pool, they are filling it up as we speak.
DS: Y-, correct.
RB: You have a wife, who you love.
RB: (laugh) You have the most beautiful baby girl.
RB: You have abundance.
RB: You have an appropriate amount of freedom. Meaning you’re not roaming free like a bachelor, but you see your friends, if you want to go out you can, you go running. You do your things.
DS: Disagree, agree, but okay, keep going.
RB: You don’t have to slave away at, like, a 9 to 5 job, working for the Man. You make your own decisions during the day.
DS: Of course not, everyone is a woman in our team. I work for the Woman, even though they might be below me, but I still work for The Woman.
RB: The way it should be! You have a lot of good things. If you want to buy a new bicycle, you buy a new bicycle.
DS: But the headache I get with it though.
RB: If you want to go traveling, you go traveling.
RB: You have financial abundance, you have family in abundance, you have a lot of love, listen, you have what some people would say-
DS: Everything is good, but you’re portraying it better than it is.
RB: What’s not good then?
DS: I can’t travel the way I want! I can’t go whenever I want. It’s because I’m a family man now. That’s normal.
RB: Yes. But I mean, would you like it to be different? Would you prefer not having a family and go and roam the-
DS: No no no, I’m not saying that either, but you’re portraying that I can just leave on a whim.
[068:00] RB: No, but I said “an appropriate level of freedom.” Meaning you’re a dad now, so you’re not going to have the same freedom you had before fatherhood.
DS: Yeah, so I can probably travel once a year.
RB: Yes. But in your day-to-day life, like, if you want to go biking, you want to go do something, you have the space to do that. What I’m trying to come to here is that you have a good life.
DS: I have a great life.
RB: Would you say, would you be so confident to say that you have found your way in life?
DS: I don’t know what my way is.
RB: But if you’re living-
DS: I’m just following you, lady!
RB: (laugh) I’m trying to, like, nudge you to answer this question in a really awesome way. Like, if you want to pursue a dream, right?
RB: And to come to a place in life where you are really content-
RB: What advice would you give a person other than asking Siri to give you directions?
DS: I cannot answer that question. I really don’t know! I’m really happy the way I am, the life that we have, I’m really happy. But I did not manifest that pool, for instance. That was your manifestation.
RB: Well, I mean, the financial abundance I think is not the point.
RB: Yeah. You manifested this relationship.
DS: I think you just have to be open to accepting wherever you are. Like, if in one day we don’t have this building, we don’t have the pool, we don’t have the house, I don’t have the bike, and we’re somewhere else, I still think I’ll be very happy. I think you just have to be happy where you’re at. And if you’re lucky enough one day you’ll, if that’s what you want, people maybe don’t even want what we have, you’ll get there. But you just have to be content at where you are at the moment. Like, I didn’t … I’m super happy where we are, but I didn’t ask for any of it. I’m just along for the ride. I’m super stoked.
RB: And you mean wherever the ride takes us, you’ll be happy there too.
DS: Yeah. Yeah.
RB: Yeah. And I can confidently say that I think that’s true.
DS: Yeah. But you’re different though.
RB: I’m different.
[070:00] RB: I’m very, very different. But that’s why we’re such a good match. Like you always said, like, if any day all of this would disappear, as long as we have each other, and now of course Luny, like, we could live in a shack, we could live on the beach in Costa Rica in the jungle and have-
DS: And you think I can’t do that anymore though.
RB: No, but I know you. I know you could do that. You are a content person. You’re content with a lot of abundance, you’re content with nothing. Like, you would go back to eating Cup Noodle Soup every day.
DS: And pork chop chaquito.
RB: And pork chop chaquito every day, if we had to. And I know that. But for me it’s not about financial abundance. It’s about, for me, financial abundance is about freedom. So yes, being able to travel to see family if you want. Being able to manifest the type of life for our baby girl that-
DS: That is amazing that we can just-
RB: That is amazing, and you did not have that growing up.
DS: No, I never had that until I met you. And you were not really … Well you-
RB: I was poor as shit when we met!
DS: Yeah. Exactly. So we would still go to these places. I don’t know how the hell we got there, because I would use all my salary in one day to buy two tickets and we go there and we figure it out.
DS: And we would be broke as fuck.
RB: Yeah. But we managed.
DS: But we did it. Yeah.
RB: Yeah, and I love that about us. The pendulum will swing both ways. What’s most beautiful about this part in our lives now, I think, is that we have been able to manifest enough for us so we are content, right? I feel like we are in a good place. We can travel, we can see the family, we can take care of the baby. All is well. We don’t need to have, like, uber luxury. We’re good. Everything’s okay. And we can start giving.
RB: Which is, I think.
DS: Well, we never stopped, I guess?
RB: We never didn’t give, but I think we can give on a much bigger scale now.
DS: Yeah, we’re working on it.
RB: We’re working on it. That’s what’s in the future for us.
RB: Thank you for that really, uh, insightful answer.
DS: Yeah, you’re welcome.
RB: You should tell Siri that. Maybe she needs some guidance.
DS: I was just about to thank Siri for helping us.
RB: (laugh) Thank you for coming on the show, babes.
DS: You’re welcome.
RB: How about we make this a monthly thing?
[072:00] DS: You asked me last time and I said yes last time.
RB: You did?
RB: Oh shit, so it’s my fault.
RB: Okay. Okay, so we’ll see you next month.
DS: See you next month!
RB: Everyone listening, thanks for tuning in, we will see you next week.
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